Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Summary: Crossover with Negima. Due to her recent role as Sherlock Holmes in a school play– don't ask– Tendo Akane has recently become eligible to attend Mahora Academy, her mother's old school. What's a nice girl who just happens to be a violent maniac to do?
1. Little Clues

A/N: I'm trying something that is so far, if not nearly unprecedented (see _**The Titans and the Lost Boy**_ and _**Dark Titans**_, both by the perfectly perfect **Lathis**, right here on this site, for the cause of the qualifier 'nearly'), at least so rare as to be within handshake range of extinction in the 21st century: a Ranma ½ story that not only does not star Ranma in a central capacity, but will also not make who it is based on a Mary Sue or trash the reputations, characterizations skills and/or abilities of anyone else in the cast _or_ anyone in the series it is crossed over with. We used to have a lot of these in the nineties (that's the prehistoric times of 1990 to 1999, when dinosaurs and the Spice Girls roamed the Earth, back before affordable mp3s, the concept of cellphones that were smarter than a Super Nintendo or a Gundam Series that girls liked that didn't have the word 'Wing' on the title. Remember those? No? Empty night, I'm old…), but then fanfiction started becoming cool, and soon every preschool idiot who thought they could write was getting in on it…

Sorry, lots of old bitterness here. Moving along…

Anyway, this can be considered the spiritual younger sibling of my other Akane-centric fic, _**Tendo Akane, Master Detective**_. For future reference, the _**ONLY**_ series crossed over in this story are Negima and Ranma ½. There will be no requests for Ranma to show up and do anything cool. Well, there probably will be, but I won't be listening to them. Every time I receive such a request, I will strip him of a competence point and make Akane stronger. This is her story, after all. This also ignores the age thing because, quite frankly, who cares? Certainly we never did when it was Ranma in the lead. We clear?

Then on with the show!

* * *

Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 1: Little Clues

Disclaimer: The toys come from the boxes of Rumiko Takahashi and Ken Akamatsu. Somehow, despite all the stuff I wrote up there, I doubt I've heard the last of it…

* * *

Akane sat on the train, re-reading her original unabridged English version of _The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes,_ her new hero. It had been hard going at first, but she'd learned. She'd had to learn a lot of things recently, not the least of which was to pay attention and see not only what was really there, but all the logical ways they _could_ have gotten there, irrespective of her knee-jerk opinions.

She idly looked up as one of the stewardess's– _single mother, divorced, likes reading, bumped her head during the last turn_– passed by, heading towards an old lady– _not married to the old guy next to her, widow, plays piano, used to dye her hair and only recently stopped_– whom she spoke briefly to. One seat over, a girl– _track team, recently left team, problems at home_– was talking to her friend– _also track team, still on, likes friend, lesbian, pervert, __**pervert, PER**_–

Closing her eyes, Akane opened them again and stared at the words 'Christmas goose', reminding herself that such a declarative statement has not been supported by any empirical evidence and therefore purely speculative, and is thus an unpardonable (that was a good word) breach of procedure that would taint the evidence of the senses. Not to mention– and here her mental monologue took on a voice that sounded suspiciously like Kasumi– that is was a very rude assumption.

Had anyone she knew been privy to those thoughts, they'd have had a heart attack. Well, maybe not Kasumi, but most people who knew her, probably.

Sighing and trying to distract herself from her previous line of though, she took out the letter she'd been using as a bookmark. It was her acceptance letter into Mahora Academy, which was pretty weird considering she'd never applied to it, or had thought of doing so. Her dad said it was where her mother had gone to school– _true–_ and that she'd always wanted her daughters to attend it– _true_– but owing to how difficult things had been after their mother's death–_ true, but misleading_– they hadn't been able to afford it– _true, but again misleading._ Now, however, they did? Because an old school friend of her mothers had recently resurfaced and, after hearing about their situation, had offered to help? Within the realm of possibility, but slightly improbable.

Still, Akane, admitted, it was the simplest explanation, as well as the _only_ currently available explanation, which according to Holmes and Occam meant it was most likely true.

So… why does that explanation feel wrong?

A few weeks ago, she wouldn't have been thinking about it like this. Well, should would have, but only once, and then she would have just pushed it off to the side to be forgotten until it tripped her up. But then there'd been that play…

Absently, she flipped back several pages to _**A Scandal in Bohemia**_. They'd been making a play based on it, and once more she'd somehow been put in the position of playing a guy. It was the _lead_, but it had been a guy, and she'd been very hurt. Their advisor, Watase-sensei, had counseled her to try method acting, if only to distract her from the perceived slight, recommending she read the original short story and few others to get a feel for the character, one of the most famous ones in literature. So she had. And she'd enjoyed it. Then she'd tried doing what he did, observing little clues about people, just for kicks and found she had a hitherto undiscovered knack for it…

And here she was, obsessing over the question of why her father's explanation for how she'd gotten accepted into such a prestigious school felt wrong.

Why _her_ had been easy enough to accept. Mahora had no pre-med courses for Kasumi and no one had any intention of releasing Nabiki on an unsuspecting new public...

* * *

Akane's first stop was the dormitory she'd been assigned to so she could drop off her things. Her roommate grumbled about no longer having the room to herself, but helped her move in. Hasegawa Chisame, as she introduced herself, was the kind of strong-looking, beautiful girl that would have intimidated Akane and had her self-esteem issues flaring up not so long ago. Now… well, she was still intimidating and not good for Akane's self-esteem, but given how the girl seemed to stay indoors a lot– _pale skin_– spend a lot of time on her computer– _lower-palm calluses and wrist positioning_– and seemed to have her own self-esteem issues– _body language_– Akane felt she could deal. Hopefully they'd learn to get along. She'd never lived with a net idol– _once saw Chiu-sama's picture on Nabiki's computer and noted the similarity_– before_._

She managed to be in time for the new student's orientation, where someone named Touko-sensei– _swordsman's calluses (thank you Kuno-sempai for teaching me what those looked like), unmarried but dating, under a lot of pressure–_ showed them around the school, and handing each of the new students a surprisingly detailed map. Given the Academy's scale, Akane supposed the usual disproportionate line drawings one usually gets wouldn't be very helpful.

That night, there was a party at the dorm. Apparently, these girls liked to party. It lasted long into the night, and she tried to just enjoy herself and not notice things– _girl with her hair pulled in a tail on the left side of her head stalking the long-haired one with the redhead wearing Christmas bells in her hair, pink-haired twins trying to sneak in beer, little kid being fawned over by a bunch of the dormers… wait, what?_

Akane stared at the kid for a moment, wondering if he was someone's kid brother visiting, but a quick look around revealed the lack of parents or any other visitors. She turned to the nearest who hadn't been at the orientation– _good chance that meant she wasn't a new student_– and asked her, "Excuse me, but what's that little kid doing here? He shouldn't be out so late."

The girl, a tall one with long hair tide back in a tail and looked to be a swimmer–_tan, build, slight smell of chlorine–_ looked where Akane was pointing and smiled. "Oh, that's Negi-kun," she said. "He'll be all right."

"Why is he here?" Akane asked. "Is he someone's brother?"

Instead of answering the girl looked at Akane as if she'd just dropped onto the planet, before looked of understanding came over her. "You're new aren't you? What section are you in?"

"Uh, I'm in 3A. But what does that have to do with anything?" Akane asked.

"If I told you, it'll spoil the surprise," the girl said, though she smiled kindly when she said it. "I'm Okochi Akira. We're in the same class."

"Tendo Akane," Akane responded, bowing in greeting. "Pleased to meet you."

Akira, about to do the same, visibly paused at the name, eyes flicking to Akane warily, a look she recognized from back home. She sighed. She'd hoped this would be a fresh start, but since when did life ever really give her what she wanted?

"Yes, _that_ Akane," she confirmed. "The violent maniac shaved gorilla of rumor. Though if it's any consolation, those rumors are a bit outdated."

Akira tried to smile again, though it seemed slightly pained, forced. "Sounds like you'll fit right in," she said enigmatically. Then a pale-haired girl who sort of reminded Akane of a cheerful looking Ayanami Rei– _some kind of athlete, and she really didn't feel like doing this now_– called to Akira, and the tall girl took the excuse to move off, leaving Akane alone and wondering how much of her reputation had reached here. To her knowledge Ranma and Kuno were known as far as Juuban, or at least wild stories based on them got that far. How had her own rep gotten nearly to the opposite edge of the city?

Okochi, Okochi… she supposed the girl could be related to Okochi Hitomi from her old school, also on the swim team. There was some resemblance there, especially in the facial structure. She'd have to find out somehow, if only to satisfy her own curiosity.

Akane drank punch and tried to enjoy herself, so far from home…

* * *

_Dear Minna-san,_

_Well, my first day in Mahora Academy turned out fine, even though school hasn't started yet. I'm not missing everyone back home yet, but give me a little time, it's only been a few hours. _

_It's everything dad said it would be. I wish you could see it– __**please don't come and see it!**__– there's the giant tree from the brochure they sent, and everything looks like the pictures of European cities in magazines and movies. The people here are nice, and I have a new roommate. Everything's pretty low key compared to back home. Ranma would consider it boring. _

_Speaking of which, do any of you know if Okochi Hitomi-san from class D has a cousin here? Because I just ran into a girl who seemed to have heard of me…_

* * *

Tendo Soun lay in bed, thinking about the old days and his wife. He reached under his pillow, feeling the square of pasteboard-like material that was one of his most treasured keepsakes from his wife, the others being his children. He didn't pull it out. He didn't need to. He knew what was on it as well as he knew his own face: the intricately drawn illustration of a much younger version of himself, bereft of a moustache, wearing a rather stylish looking battle outfit and surrounded by several floating demonic-looking masks.

His little girl was going to become a Magistra Magi, just like her mother. It made him so proud!

Well, technically she was just going to her mother's school. The Kanto Magic Association would only decide to approach her and propose to train her after some observation, but it was more likely than ever before that they would. A few months ago, given her violent streak, not to mention stubbornness, they were unlikely to touch her unless their only choices were her and a talking dog. And even then they might have picked the dog. But now…

She thought she was a detective. It was kinda cute, in a way. A little harmless pretend. But the harmless pretend had somehow calmed his daughter down, made her less likely to jump to conclusions, made her seem a bit more normal, as much as he hated to say it.

"Soon," he murmured as he drifted off to sleep. "Soon, Akane will become a Magistra Magi, she will pick Ranma to become her partner and then… the schools… will be joined… ZZZZZzzzzzz………… ZZZZZzzzzzz………… ZZZZZzzzzzz…………"

Not that he meant anything by it. He'd just gotten into the habit of putting 'the schools will be joined' at the end of all happy thoughts

* * *

And in far off Mahora, under the light of the full moon, a vampire stalked…

* * *

**- To be continued...**

* * *

A/N: All I have to say is: Ranma _**ALWAYS**_ gets bigger power/intelligence/Sue boosts than this and no one bats an eye. I'm well within acceptable limits.

A little chronologically disjointed, but it's just an intro.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	2. 3–A And A Mystery

A/N: have had sudden visions of Akane/Chisame, on top of the usual Asuna/Setsuna (rub-a-dub-dub on the run, and then some! Remember the waterfall scene?), Kaede/Konoka (they were together alone in the wild for a while too), KonoSetsu, AsuNegi (they might be related; I don't give a damn), EvaNegi (sized to fit!), Kotaro/Natsume (damn close to being called 'true love' in canon) and Misora/Cocone (they're together! It's so obvious! See _**Confessions of a Lolicon**_, on my page). Then there's the Dani Phantom/Sayo, Takane/Mei, Shiori(Fake Asuna)/ Negi…

* * *

Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 2: 3-A And A Mystery

Disclaimer: The toys come from the boxes of Rumiko Takahashi and Ken Akamatsu.

* * *

Keep an eye out for the unusual. It was a doctrine that seemed hard to follow in Nerima, at least to one who didn't live there, but even a place as weird as that has… not exactly norms, but a certain regularity. Her fiancée might turn into a girl, for example, but once you knew that, it soon lost its novelty value and could be safely ignored. It was, in essence, simple: keep an eye out for the things that aren't what you're used to. In a new place, Akane didn't know for sure what was normal, so she kept an eye on everything. It would be that way until she knew enough to tell what was usual or not.

Still, she was fairly sure that a little kid, the same little kid from last night, riding the train from the dormitories to the school buildings proper, wearing a green tweed suit (complete with necktie) and carrying what looked like a large, slim piece of wood, like Cologne's staff only longer, wrapped in bandages on his back (the fact the staff didn't seem held in place by any straps or means of support was just another unusual detail) was something worth noting. He was a couple of feet away, with the two she saw him with last night, the red-head with the bells and the girl with long hair that the girl with her hair tied back on the left side had been stalking. Speaking of whom… Akane looked around, and spotted that girl standing next to one of the windows, seemingly looking out at the view– such as it was– but Akane got the sense she was still watching the long-haired girl in her peripheral vision, a feeling confirmed as she saw how her eyes flicked to the side every so often. She couldn't help but notice that the swordcase the girl was carrying was enormous. Akane felt the urge to check her hands, look for calluses, but the crowd was too thick to see through that low.

Akane heard a sneeze, and felt a momentary twinge at the thought of how unsanitary that was in confines this tight, when there was a sudden burst of wind that raised her skirt and the skirts of every other girl in the car. Keen observation was abandoned as she and pretty much every other girl in the car tried to keep their skirts down. The burst only lasted two or three seconds, but as the wind died down, old habits learned in Nerima and not quite abandoned pounced on her, and she whirled, fist upraised to strike and crying "Pervert!"

The girls behind her were just taking their hand off their skirt, looking at her in surprise, and she felt her face flush as she sheepishly lowered her fist. "Gomen," she said, highly embarrassed. "Old habits died hard."

"_Next stop: Central Mahora Academy,_" an automated announcement called out through the train car.

A heartbeat's wait. The next thing Akane knew, there was a mad rush out of the train. Akane her new school bag slung over her bag, joined the tide, running…

* * *

Akane finally arrived at her new classroom, where someone was replacing the sign marking the class. People were entering the classroom, and several were already talking excitedly with each other. Akane, unsure of where she should sit since she hadn't yet been assigned a position, put her bag under one of the chairs at the very back of the room and sat watching people for the time being. She wondered if this how Ranma had felt his first day at Furinkan High, everyone else with someone they knew and could talk to, and him the new guy, standing out like a sore thumb…

Her feeling empathy for Ranma was so rare as to be creepy. Repressing a shiver, she went back to observing her new classmates. Chisame, her roommate, was sitting on one of the desks near the middle of the room, hunched over and typing on a very small notebook computer, about the size of an actual notebook of the kind you wrote on. She seemed intent on something, and Akane could make out some sort of bar graph on the display. Perhaps some kind of ranking, or visitor statistics? She didn't know enough to say for sure.

A trio of girls was talking loudly off to one side, and though Akane didn't want to be so crass as to shallowly label them cheerleaders, that was the impression she got from them. She moved on before more preconceived and baseless notions poisoned her thinking. A dark-skinned girl with red ribbons in her hair caught her eye, and she automatically glanced at her hands, then frowned. An oddity; the girl had a gunman's calluses on her hands and a subtle tilt of her shoulder indicated she also used a stocked rifle of some kind, and often, to give her that tilt. A member of the shooting club, perhaps? If so, she was an enthusiastic one.

Akane looked around again and her eyes fell on the robot. She had just come it with a little slip of a girl– _expensive shampoo, knows martial arts, possibly rich_– who looked like she should be in elementary school. Akane had no baseline, but she was fairly certain the girl was robot. How could she not be? Those antenna-like things might have been some kind of weird cosplay, kinda like those Persocom ears you sometimes saw, but the exposed joints were clearly indented into the skin– exoskeleton? Shell?– to be normal. Her hands belonged on some kind of artist's model, all circular articulation joints. Only her face seemed properly smooth.

Akane tried to recoil at her rather far-fetched conclusion but the others she got– involving cursed puppets or mannequins, and extremity amputation & cybernetic implants– were no better.

_Oo-kay…_ she thought, watching as the robot-girl sat down and began talking to the girl– _didn't bathe, works in the food service industry, has soldering burns on her hands(?)_– in the seat in front of her as people began to move towards what were probably their assigned seats, obviously knowing the teacher was arriving soon (Akane idly made note of the time for future reference). _Clearly I need to learn more, since that girl can't be a robot, possessed mannequin or any such thing._ She paused as she replayed her own thoughts, catching the indicative linguistic cues that betrayed her biases. _That is, it is highly improbable but not unlikely that she's a robot, possessed mannequin or similar. Clearly, I need to know more before jumping to wild conclusions or–_and here she pulled out her greatest mental deterrent– _I'll end up thinking like the Kunous! Data. I need more data…_

It was at that point that the little kid in the green tweed suit walked in. Many of the other girls in the class let out a loud cheer at this, some leaping to their feet and causing the boy– who'd moved to stand behind the desk, much to Akane's confusion– to blush in embarrassment, one hand scratching at the back of his head. "THIRD YEAR! GROUP A! NEGI-SENSEI!"

"Ahem," the boy– who looked as old as the long-haired blonde who, Akane realized (she chided herself for not noticing) was now seated next to her, bored– said. "Hello… again, group A. I'm your teacher, Negi Springfield, and welcome to your third year. We'll be with each other through next March, and I'm very much looking forward to it."

"Yeah!" "Me too!" some of the girls at the front cried, as Akane looked on in confusion. She saw Okochi Akira looking at her, smiling. The girl winked, as if saying, "Now you know what I mean," and turned her attention back forward, where the boy– Negi– was opening something that looked suspiciously like an attendance book. Was he like Hinako-sensei, just older than her looked?

"I realize there's many of you I've hardly talked to yet," addressing the class again and smiling enthusiastically. "I'm hoping to make time for all 31– oh, sorry, 32 now– of you this year. "

Akane blinked. What was he talking about? There were only 30 of them in the classroom, not counting him. But he was talking again…

"Speaking of which," Negi was saying, "I'd like to introduce everyone to a new student who will be with us this year. Could you please come up to the front, Tendo-san?"

Akane felt eyes turning to her as she got up and made the trek towards the front. She didn't think this was how things should go, but from what she'd observed, the class obviously knew each other well, with her being the only new element. If so, a proper introduction _would _be necessary, she supposed. Reaching the front of the class, she turned and bowed towards them in greeting. How was this supposed to go again? All she had was what she'd seen in various anime and manga. "Good morning everyone," she hazarded. "My name is Tendo Akane, just recently accepted into Mahora Academy. Pleased to meet you."

"Thank you," Negi said. "I'm sure we'll all become good friends with Tendo-san in the days to come. Can we please give her a big group A welcome?"

A loud, welcoming cheer that was practically a wall of sound struck Akane, so enthusiastic were their greetings. She was surprised; she'd been expecting some kind of group rote along the lines of "Welcome, Tendo-san," not almost 30 personalized riffs on the theme of "Hello".

Negi beamed as is that was exactly what he'd been expecting, which it probably was. He consulted a seating chart. "Why don't you take the seat at the back next to Evangeline-san, Akane-san? She'll be able to help you with any questions you might have, and I'm sure she'll appreciate your company."

At the corner of her eye, Akane saw the blonde's– Evangeline's– expression turn sardonic at those words, but when she turned her head to see properly, the girl's face was a smooth, slightly bored mask. She probably hadn't appreciated being saddled with the new girl.

Akane bowed again, and began to move towards the seat, but paused. She supposed now was a good a time as any. "Um, pardon me… sensei.. but… how old are you?"

Negi blinked, but answered, "Oh, I'm ten years old, Akane-san. Why do you ask?"

"Ten? _Really_ ten?" Akane repeated, surprised. "But… aren't you too young to be a teacher? I mean, I once had a teacher who looked as young as you, but she was really in her thirties with a medical condition. How come you're a teacher at your age?"

Negi paused, and Akane figured he was trying to think of how to phrase his answer, when a tall, blonde girl sitting in the front said, "Negi-sensei is a genius and a prodigy, Tendo-san. How else could he be accomplished at such a young age?"

The red-haired girl with the bells in her hair rolled her eyes. "Stopping being such as suck-up, class rep!"

The blonde turned to glare at the other girl, but before she could respond, the door opened and another tall blonde– _school certainly has a lot of them_– with a bust to rival Ranma's– _and isn't __**that**__ a weird thought_– entered. "Negi-sensei," she said. "We're taking body measurements today. Get everyone in 3-A ready immediately."

"Oh, is that so?" Negi said, appearing surprised at the sudden announcement. He rallied however, enthusiasm entering his voice. "Right away, Shizuna-sensei." He turned to the class, waving his arms in a vaguely-motivatory manner. "**Okay… you heard her! It's body measurement day so… so, uh.. get your bodies out so they can be measured!**"

There was a gasp. Akane, safely several feet away from the young boy, not having been able to head for her seat yet, reflected as she quashed the urge to cry "Pervert!" and whack the boy one– he was a kid after all. She hadn't heard someone say something that inadvertently stupid since… well, her last conversation with Ranma.

The boy blushed and made a rush for the door, while the two young-looking twins and one of the girls Akane had– unfairly and under bias, with no supporting information, she reminded herself– pegged as cheerleader hounded him, crying, "NEGI THE PERV IS BACK! HURRAY!"

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT THE WAY IT SOUNDED!"

The other girls began to laugh, closing the doors and windows and beginning to strip down. An older, longer established part of Akane's mind was muttering about perverts, while a newer, shiner part was reflecting that had this happened back home, no one, most especially herself, would have just let that one go with a laugh. Was this what _normal_ people were like?

The strangeness of this thought as applied to 3A was so great that the World Tree actually twitched.

* * *

"I forgot how fun it is to tease him."

"Beats the heck out of studying."

"So…" Akane tried again, approaching Akira, the only other girl she really knew in this class. "He really _is_ a teacher? _Our_ teacher?"

Akira nodded. "Yes. We were pretty surprised last semester when he showed up and took over the class, but it's all been confirmed by the Headmaster. He's a lot more fun and approachable than the other teachers. You'll get used to it."

"But doesn't that break some kind of child labor laws?" Akane pressed.

Akira shrugged. The movement did interesting things to anatomy.

Akane moved off, careful to keep her gave slightly above head-level. There were, um, a lot of girls in the class built at Ranma-proportions, and she didn't think her self-esteem could handle hits this soon after being introduced to these people. And how disturbing was it she was using her fiancé as a point of reference for bust size?

"Hey, you guys. Heard the latest rumor?" Akane heard someone say above the sounds of measurements and talk of bust-sizes. "It's been all over the dorm lately."

"What's Kakizaki talking about?" the girl with the bells asked, and Akane now had half a new name.

"Probably the vampire of Cherry Blossom Lane," another girl replied.

"The what of where?"

"What's the story?"

"You hadn't heard? Oh good, fresh meat…"

Akane listened to the rather predictably vague story as she waited her turn to be measured. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed the girl she'd tagged as a robot seemed to be taking her time getting undressed.

Outside, she heard someone cry, "Sensei! Something awful has happened! Makie is… Makie is…"

The class reacted around Akane, heading for the door and pulling it open. "What's going on, Ako! What happened to Makie!"

She heard Negi-sensei's voice cry, "Not looking! I'm not looking!"

* * *

Most of the class latched on to the fact one of their classmates was in the infirmary as an excuse to go their _en masse_. Akane tagged along, wanting to see what the fuss was about. The girl she assumed was Makie- "Sasaki Makie," the long-haired who always hung around the girl with the bells told Akane, introducing herself as Konoe Konoka– lay unconscious on one of the beds. Akane craned her neck to see over a crowd of well-wishers and– let's be honest– class skippers as she heard Shizuna-sensei telling about how she was found at Cherry Blossom Lane. She studied the girl. Her hands, among other things, told Akane the girl was a gymnast–_ some thanks to Kodachi for teaching me what the tells were_– though not of the martial artist variety– _few impact marks from being hit by flying objects–_ be definitely skilled.

Negi-sensei– _how quickly she became used to the address_– was kneeling down next to the bed, peering closely at Makie with concern. Akane wondered if there was something between them.

Eventually, Negi-sensei stepped away, and began chiding everyone to get back to the classroom. Akane took the opportunity to move towards the unconscious girl's bed and check her neck. She found what she was looking for a bit lower down, just above the collarbone, hidden by the neck's contours. Two punctures that, if one were being fanciful– _man, all those old Holmes stories were messing with her vocabulary_– looked like fang-marks.

Akane nonchalantly joined the rest back to the classroom. It all seemed a bit contrived, she thought as she walked. A few minutes ago some girl was talking about a vampire story, and next a girl was found right where the story said the vampire hunted. There'd been what looked like bite marks. It was too neat, like some episode of Scooby Doo. A rush of excitement came over her. She had a mystery. An actual, honest to goodness mystery, not just some party tricks like those she'd done for her classmates back at Furinkan. Whatever it seemed like, what was definite was that someone attacked that girl– the marks had been positioned such that they would have been almost impossible to self-administer so neatly– some pervert– an internal linguistic check found her favorite word's usage passable for now, since how else to describe this?– had attacked her new classmate and possibly did things to her, using the convenient story of a vampire to mislead or at least distract people. Well, not Tendo Akane! She'd find out who this was and bring them to justice, because she was just that awesome!

A small voice in her head, one that had seen too many magic potions, sex-changes, Jusenkyou curses, Happosai, and had been right about P-chan being Ryouga– _once more, she mentally kicked herself for a complete and utter idiot for not noticing something so __**DAMNED**__ obvious!– _slyly asked what she was going to do if this was one of those times there was more to heaven and earth than was dreamed in her philosophy.

Akane paused, and allowed that perhaps a visit to the convenience store and the little chapel marked off on her student orientation map might not be amiss…

* * *

By the end of the day, Akane had picked up a double handful of names and made even more observations. It turned out the loud girls she'd labeled cheerleaders actually _were_ cheerleaders, which made her feel better, although she had to remind herself not to get overconfident and arrogant (since, after all, even Holmes had been wrong at least once, even with consistent and correct data). Some of those observations were… weird, though. Ku Fei was clearly a martial artist: she'd been able to tell that of people long before she'd gone on her Holme's kick. The other girl had immediately recognized as one too, and had challenged– well, asked, to be honest; who was she trying to impress?– asked her to spar some time. That had been strangely gratifying: no one had ever thought her worth asking to spar with before.

The tall, squinty-eyed girl with the Ranma-chan sized… proportions (again; using her fiancé as a point of reference for bust size was _weird!_) she'd been able to make out as a ninja. It wasn't from her stance or anything. Her stance was enough like a normal martial artist to fool Cologne (well, maybe not Cologne), but the state of her hand's was enough like Konatsu's to identify her to Akane as some flavor of shinobi.

Akane also felt she was right in believing she'd finally met a Mary Sue, like from those internet things Nabiki liked to read. That was the only way she could describe Chao Lingshen, who was apparently some kind of cooking, academic and scientific club genius. Really, the only thing missing was some kind of sparkly magical girl powers…

Natsume, upon learning of her interest, had invited her to join the theater club, and had assured Akane she would no longer have to play male roles. Asakura had insisted on interviewing her for the school paper, though someone else, the belled girl, Asuna, had told her Asakura just like having dirt on people. The blonde class representative was a force of personality that sort of reminded Akane of Kunou during those times his mania wasn't being directed at her. They had the same self-assurance, air of nobility and confidence. The difference was, Ayaka managed to pull it off, and with poise to boot. Kunou wasn't always that good.

Not everyone was as sociable. Tatsumiya Mana, the girl she'd pegged as a shooting club member, had nodded solemnly to her in greeting, not volunteering anything. So had the green-haired girl Akane now couldn't stop herself from thinking of as 'the robot'– _Karakuri Chachamaru! How obvious a name can you get!_– and the silent foreign girl introduced as Zazie Rainyday. The girl with the swordcase, Sakurazaki Setsuna, had bowed formerly at her and had gone back to watching– _stalking,_ an uncharitable part of her snidely commented. It sounded strangely like Nabiki– Konoka.

Between all this and the chaotic mini-party the class turned into between teachers, Akane felt strangely at peace.

* * *

_Dear Minna-san,_

_Please disregard last letter. These people are weird. I feel right at home…_

* * *

**- To be continued...**

* * *

A/N: Well, that came out faster than I thought it would. If there are any typos, I'll take care of them in the morning…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	3. A Philosophy Shot To Hell

A/N: I seem to be on a roll. Might as well ride it while it lasts…

BTW… if anyone has suggestions for Omakes, feel free to suggest at the Forum, now at my Profile Page…

* * *

Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 3: A Philosophy Shot To Hell

Disclaimer: The toys come from the boxes of Rumiko Takahashi and Ken Akamatsu.

* * *

The coming of night found Akane hanging around among the trees of Sakura Lane with a spray bottle full of water a bemused priest at the school chapel had blessed, another one filled with holy oil as bemusedly provided by Mana-san at the Tatsumiya shrine, a few small bulbs of garlic she'd bought at the convenience store strung together on a string, a cross she'd borrowed from Misora– _track team, along with some strange calluses on her hands she hadn't been able to identify_– and a few other things, waiting. All right, so maybe she _had_ gone a little overboard.

She tried to look for clues among the trees, but whoever had attacked Makie-san had been highly inconsiderate, not leaving behind any distinctive cigarette stubs, handkerchief corners with parts of initials, or big footprints in mud.

"This is a lot harder than it looks," Akane muttered, a small flashlight with its end capped with red cellophane to cut down on the glare in her hands. She was looking at some crushed petals and foliage on the ground and reflected that maybe she'd accomplish more if she actually knew wilderness tracking or something.

Behind her, Miyazaki Nodoka walked down Sakura Lane alone.

Akane was looking at a discarded juice-box labeled 'Fish and Radish Juice' when the scream echoed behind her. She whirled, cursing herself for an inattentive idiot, only to hear another voice cry, "Hold it right there!"

She could see one of her classmates, Miyazaki Nodoka in the midst of fainting, a dark figure wearing a long, pointy hat and a black cloak and…

She blinked, then rubbed her eyes, blinking again. Yup, no change.

Her homeroom and English teacher, Negi-sensei, was flying through the air, his trajectory too horizontal to be a leap. His hand began to glow, sending several balls of what appeared to be chi-blasts, chanting something that sounded vaguely occidental. The dark figure responded by throwing a small bottle of some liquid in the path of the blasts, and Akane could feel the backwash blast around her in a rush of freezing cold air.

The staff Negi-sensei had appeared on clattered to the ground next to him as he knelt to try and pick up Nodoka-san as the dark-cloaked figure's hat blew off. Akane blinked again, staring at the girl she sat beside– Evangeline-san, was it?

"Surprising power, Negi," she said. One of her finders was bleeding. "You've got serious game."

"You're Evangeline-san from my class!" Negi said, stating the obvious. Akane crept closer, hoping the wind blew the scent of the garlic away so as not to reveal her position.

"Well, gee, sensei," Evangeline said, and Akane could hear the hint of sarcasm. "You did say you wanted to talk with more of us. So consider this our first chat, Negi Springfield. A ten-year old with that much power… you must truly be _his_ son…" She licked the blood off her finger in a way that reminded Akane of Genma cleaning sauce off his hands after a meal. A hint of a fang protruded from the corner of her mouth.

It was at this point that Akane felt she'd just stepped into the middle of a plot-heavy movie without having read the summary beforehand, since she had no idea what all the ominous references were all about. This, naturally, frustrated her. In the old days, when Akane got frustrated, she sublimated her feelings through violence (usually and unfairly towards her fiancé). But that was the old Akane. This was the new, rational, thinking, observant, Holmes-ian Akane, who knew that random destructive violence, while satisfying, never really solved anything. No, the _new_ Akane knew that to solve problems, you needed focused, planned, _directed_ violence.

Negi was crying something about an explanation, but before Evangeline could respond, she was pelted by several bulbs of convenience store garlic, two bottles of different blessed liquid, several sharpened chopsticks, and an empty 'Fish and Radish Juice' juice box, since Akane had run out of things to throw and throwing the cross seemed disrespectful. She moved forward to try and help her sensei, though she figured it would be more moral support than anything else. Anyone good enough to throw around chi-blasts could probably beat most things into the ground. A part of Akane groused how unfair it was that at ten-year old kid was already so far advanced than her in the Art that he could do Chi-Blasts, but she sternly reminded herself that she'd never really applied herself to the more esoteric parts of martial arts, and her biggest claim to fame was breaking bricks, so it was her own fault anyway.

Once she made her way forward however, she found herself at a bit of a loss. Recently, when faced with a situation, she'd wonder what Holmes would do. As Holmes had never been in the cusp of a martial arts battle against a vampire, a ten-year old and teen-detective wannabe, nothing came to mind. The best she could come up with was to consider what an expert at dealing with these situations might say. But who'd be an expert at dealing with a martial arts battle against a vampire, a ten-year old and teen-detective wannabe?

Akane considered the point and suddenly knew just what to do: mouth off.

"You know, between the ninjas, Mary Sues, Robots, martial artists, and swordswomen stalkers in our class, I really should have been expecting to meet a vampire-wannabe," she said, trying to sound confident, a bit of a jerk, self-assured and arrogant, perverted, completely full of herself, and badly in need of a new personality. "Been reading, have we?"

It was an even bet whether she was trying to sound like Kunou or Ranma.

"Tendo-san?" Negi said as Akane stepped up, "What are you doing here?"

"I was trying to solve the mystery of who attacked Sasaki-san," Akane said, a bit frustrated. Her mystery novel had turned into an action manga, it seemed. "I wasn't expecting my seatmate to be the culprit and making like some kind of Anne Rice reject."

"What a busy day you're having, Tendo Akane," Evangeline said, trying to sound ominous, but most looking annoyed. Akane had managed to score a couple of direct hits to her mouth with the garlic, and the bottles she'd thrown had splashed all over Evangeline's black dress and cloak. "Your first day and already you manage to annoy me. That's possibly a new record. Why don't you come closer so I can give you your prize…"

"Evangeline-san, why are you doing this?" Negi cried. "Explain yourself!"

"Idiot," Evangeline said, shaking her head. "Fine, I'll make it simple for you: there are good mages and bad mages." Her hands darted into the folds of her cloak, and came out holding a test tube and a small bottle. "Guess which kind I am."

She threw the bottles, and they smashed together in midair, a burst of something exploding outwards. Akane dived to protect the unconscious Miyazaki-san, trying to pull her away. If there was one thing she'd learned, it was to _always_ treat something thrown at you during a fight as a live grenade. Negi had raised his hand, as if to ward it off, and the blast seemed to move around them slightly, to seemingly little effect. The sleeve of the arm Negi had used to wave froze and shattered, while Nodoka's skirt, vest, underwear, and the lower part of her blouse disappeared the same way, along with the sleeves of Akane's blazer and blouse. "That was new, darn it!" she cried, as cold air suddenly pebbled her flesh. She looked down at Miyazaki and pulled off what was left of her blazer, using it to protect the girl's modesty.

"Miyazaki-san! Tendo-san! Are you okay?" Negi cried, turning towards them. Apparently, trying to ward off what Evangeline had done had taken his attention.

"What's with all the racket?" someone cried behind them. "Negi?"

"Over here!" Akane cried. "Hurry! Someone attacked Miyazaki-san!"

"Hold it right there!" Negi cried, and Akane turned to see Evangeline fading into the mist their brief fight had made, just as Asuna and Konoka appeared behind them. "Asuna-san!,Konoka-san! Take care of Miyazaki-san and Tendo-san. I'm going after the one responsible! It's under control! The rest of you, go home now!"

"Wait a second, Negi-kun," Konoka protested.

"I said now!" Negi ordered, and a heartbeat later he was dashing through the mist after Evangeline.

"Definitely better than me," Akane muttered in annoyance as they were left behind in the dust.

"Wow, Negi-kun can really move," Konoka observed.

"Negi, wait! Come back!" Asuna cried.

Grumbling, Akane dashed after him.

"Tendo-san! Where are you going?" Konoka cried.

"After the culprit!" Akane shot behind her. "This is _my_ mystery, darn it!"

A second later, she heard someone running after her. Turning, she saw Asuna on her tail some distance away, but gaining.

"That idiot's always getting into all sorts of trouble without me," Asuna breathed as she drew even.

Akane nodded at her, and they ran.

* * *

They could both barely make out Negi and Evangeline flying in the night, Akane doing her best to pick out their forms. Odd flashes of light, chi-blasts, Akane supposed, marked the way, making things easier. They eventually settled on the roof of the dormitory, and she and Asuna dashed in the building, the other girl now taking the lead as she showed Akane the quickest path to the roof.

They managed to make it up just in time to see Negi restrained by a tall figure while Evangeline bit his neck. Two things leapt out at Akane: one, even in the dim light, she cold clearly make out Chachamaru's antenna things; and two, Evangeline had somehow been stripped down to a slip. An old part of Akane bubbled at the sight, and she could feel her old familiar battle-cry wanting to rise up and make itself physically known. Once more, she channeled the violence she wanted to do into something constructive and useful. Beside her, Asuna seethed. "BACK OFF, FREAK!" she cried as she charged, making Evangeline turn.

Akane was right behind her. "PERVERT!" she cried, and Kami-sama, it felt good to let it out, loud and proud. .

"THAT'S RIGHT, WE'RE TALKING TO YOU, SUCK FESTS!"

Their flying kicks couldn't have been more coordinated had they tried, knocking the two off their teacher. She and the other girl skidded slightly as they landed, while Evangeline and Chachamaru flew nearly to the edge of the roof.

Asuna stopped, but Akane didn't. Her mind had been flashing ahead, reasoning that anyone who'd managed to defeat and restrain Negi-sensei, who was apparently skilled enough to throw chi-blasts like water, if the light show they'd followed on the way here was any indicator, in the time it had taken them to reach the roof was seriously skilled, and therefore a serious problem. Akane didn't let up, pressing the attack before Chachamaru could recover. She kicked, hard, once, twice, and it was like kicking solid steel. The third time, Chachamur blocked her, moving faster than Akane could track, and suddenly her forehead was flicked so hard she practically got whiplash, her entire body snapping back like she was punched. What felt like a palm-strike done with a mallet slammed into her chest, pushing her back.

Akane held her chest, hissing through gritted teeth as Asuna and Evangeline recognized each other. Chachamaru had resumed a straight-backed stance when it became clear Akane wasn't going to attack again, bowing formally as if they were being introduced.

"Are you the guys behind all this!" Asuna said indignantly, while Akane just focused on breathing through the pain. How did Ranma do this all the time? She found herself grudgingly admitting maybe it wasn't such a bad thing Ranma had never really hit her that first and only time they'd really sparred. "Scaring kids? Tormenting them? Doing a whole vampire rap on them? What possible, lame-ass excuse could you have for pulling stuff like this!"

Evangeline looked like she was still reeling, staring at Asuna and glaring at Akane. "You kicked me in the face, Kagurazaka Asuna," she hissed, still holding her face where a red mark practically glowed in the dark. "I'd watch my back from now on if I were you."

She and Chachamaru leapt off the edge.

"Hey, wait!" Asuna and Akane chorused. Asuna stared at the seemingly empty view in front of them, while Akane's eyes darted wildly in all directions. All those fights back home, even seen from the sidelines, teaches you a thing or two. In this instance, the relevant teaching was: don't limit yourself to looking for your opponent in two dimensions.

"We're eight stories up…" Asuna said disbelievingly. Yup, that seemed about the right height.

Behind them, Negi made a pitiful sound. Asuna turned instantly. "Negi," she cried, concerned. "You idiot! Thinking you're some hero, going after criminals like that by yourself!" Akane became a bit more intent on scanning the skies around, repressing the urge to whistle innocently. "You could've gotten into really deep trouble, you stupid little–! What the–! Cripes! Negi, you've got…! You're bleeding out the neck!"

There was a pregnant pause.

"WAAHHH! ASUNA-SAN!"

There! Akane spotted it while Negi had his breakdown on Asuna behind her. A small light outlining a darkoutline that looked vaguely humanoid– at least, Akane imagined it did, because at this distance, she couldn't really say. She imagined she could see Chachamaru– and Evangline too– looking back at her across the distance.

"She _was_ a robot," she muttered to herself. "I _knew_ it!"

Akane finally turned to find Asuna extricating herself from Negi, who was crying and shaking like a leaf. Now all the excitement as over, Akane realized how cold it was, this high up at night. "We'd better get inside," she said, surprised her voice was so level. "It's not healthy to be out this late." She checked her pockets and pulled out a handkerchief. He flinched as she reached for him, but she pressed the folded cloth against the wounds on his neck. "Hold still. I don't think she hit any arteries, or else you'd have bled out already, but better to cover them up."

"Thanks Akane-san," Asuna said as she helped her lead Negi back inside. She paused and went to pick up the long staff half-covered by bandages that they'd seen him ride. Akane eyed it curiously, warily, but Asuna handled it like it was just another piece of wood.

Once inside, Akane couldn't hold herself back any longer. "What are you?" she blurted out. "You're not a martial artist, Negi-sensei, you don't have enough definition in your arms for that, not even close, but you were throwing around chi-blasts like you'd just stepped out of Dragon Ball Z."

Negi flinched, and Asuna gave her a look that was half-admonishing, half-pleading. "Tendo-san, not now. Negi-kun's had a bad night. Please?"

Akane felt her eyebrow crook. Negi-_kun_? "Are you two related?"

"No!" Asuna said, sounding caught off guard by the question. "Please Tendo-san, not tonight. We really need to see to Negi-kun's injuries."

Negi began to shiver, faint whimpering noises rising from his throat. Akane relented. She supposed the poor kid had suffered enough. No need to make him relive it so soon. "I suppose… I better get back to my room. It's a school night, after all, and I better not bother Hasegawa-san. Will he be all right?"

Asuna flashed her a crateful smile. "Yeah, don't worry. I'll get him back to our room."

"_Our_ room?" Akane said before she could stop herself.

"Don't you know? Negi-kun's sharing a dorm with me and Konoka," Asuna said.

"Is… he Konoka-san's bro…" Akane paused. No, couldn't be, they went by different last names. "Is he a relative of Konoka-san's?"

Asuna shook her head. Bells rang.

"That's perverted," Akane blurted out, and internally winced. Well, at least she hadn't hit the kid.

Asuna chuckled, grimacing slightly. "Tell me about it. But he's not that bad. He's just a kid, after all."

Akane wanted to purse her lips, to react, to rant on in great length about how wrong that arrangement was. Instead, she reigned herself in and looked at Negi. She realized that somewhere along the line she'd stopped thinking of him as her teacher. That was quick. She looked, and saw a scared little boy, tightly holding on to Asuna's arm, with a borrowed handkerchief on his neck that was already going a little red, frightened tears streaming down his face. It was a far cry from the cheerful, enthusiastic boy who had presented her to the class that morning and had been so concerned about one of his student's welfare. Had it only been that morning? It felt longer.

She took a mental picture of what she saw, rolled it up, and used it to bitch-whack every impulse to react, to rant and to mention perverts that she could root out of her mind with shame. She might have had a lot of bad experiences with teenaged boys in general that had led to some pretty ingrained instincts, but she drew the line on applying any of those instincts on a little kid. "Take care of him, them. And keep the handkerchief. Good night you two."

On the way back to her room, she reminded herself to give Kasuga-san back the cross she'd borrowed. Chisame was just taking off her glasses and climbing into her bed. The other girl glared at her in annoyance. "Where have you been? It's almost midnight."

Akane paused at the door, then closed it all the way. "I was at Sakura Lane looking for vampires," she said honestly, pulling out Kasuga-san's cross.

Chisame looked at her, and flopped onto her bed, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, "Great, another weirdo".

Akane moved to get changed, then paused, looking at the two wide windows the dorm had.

_I'd watch my back from now on if I were you._

Akane went to find some string and tape. Best not to take chances.

* * *

**- To be continued...**

* * *

A/N: Yes, I'm aware the usual stuff doesn't work on Evangeline. But Akane doesn't know that…

If she wasn't such a well developed character, Chao _would_ count as a Mary Sue. Supreme skills in cooking, business, science, schoolwork, related to the main character from the future, some kinda hybrid, magic powers… that's most of the checklist. All she needs is the unicorn familiar.

**Omake: Necrophilia At It's Finest!**

"It's kinda sweet," Konoka said, making goo-goo eyes as she watched the scene.

"It's perverted," Akane said, but in a tone that said she sorta agreed with Konoka.

"Isn't this pedophilia?" Asuna pointed out.

"What does that matter? They're ghosts," Evangeline pointed out right back.

They watched as Sayo and a female ghost a little smaller than Evangeline wearing a black-and-white ensemble made out in the air above the front-most window seat of 3-A's classroom. Sayo was giggling as the ghost who called herself Dani Phantom murmured something and nuzzled the back of her neck, one hand creeping down towards Sayo's legs.

"Should we be watching this?" Akane said. "I mean, wouldn't that make us perverts by extension?"

"Yup," Evangeline said. "The popcorn done yet, Chachamaru?"

"Coming master," Chachamaru said.

They watched some more as Sayo and Dani settled down on the desk, the older ghost underneath as Dani nibbled on her ear, one hand cupping her chest. The hand at Sayo's legs was definitely creeping up…

"I think I'll go look for Se-chan," Konoka said brightly.

"I'd better report this to Negi," Asuna said, rushing off to do just that.

"I wonder if Chisame is trying on her bunny girl outfit?" Akane murmured, following behind.

"You," Evangeline said, pointing to Chachamaru. "Here. Strip. Naked. Now."

"Yes Master…"

On the desk came the sound of a phantasmal school uniform being ripped off…

**End!**

See? I can do fanservice too…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	4. “New Data” or “A & A Bonding”

Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 4: "New Data" or "A & A Bonding"

Disclaimer: The toys come from the boxes of Rumiko Takahashi and Ken Akamatsu.

* * *

The next day, Akane didn't leave their dorm room until the sun was well above the horizon. It was probably silly, but right then she was feeling a little paranoid and weird.

She spotted Negi and Asuna easily enough among the crowd heading for the middle school. She'd have been blind as Mousse not to: Asuna was carrying a struggling Negi over her shoulder, carrying his staff in her other hand. She made her way towards them, and just managed to hear, "P-put me down! What if Evangeline is here?"

"Trying to kill a teacher on school grounds? No way. They'd get detention for sure."

"Don't worry sensei," Akane said as she got level with them. "I've got your back. She'll be after me too, after all."

Negi gave her a despairing look. Akane supposed, given what little she'd seen of his quite remarkable dedication to his duty, that he has was probably feeling guilty about somehow getting her involved in this. She couldn't think why. _She_ was the one who threw the garlic at Evangeline, after all. She checked her bag for the reassuring weight of Kasuga-san's cross. She did _not_ like the thought of sitting beside Evangeline all day…

Akane then learned that Nerima was not the final word on weirdness. Sure, the principal's son was crazy, the principal even crazier, sure there were probably enough examples of lunacy for therapists to be a growth industry, but in Furinkan, when you ditch class, you ditched class. You did not send your robot flunky to give notice for you! And the robot flunky certainly did not hang around and _attend_ said class that you were cutting!

Staring at the back of Chachamaru's head during class from where she now mercifully sat alone, Akane felt surreally at home. The feeling is strangely reinforced when she hears the topic of conversation prompted by Negi's sudden _non-sequitur_. Surrounded by weirdoes and perverts… yup, just like home. She felt so nostalgic she wanted to hit someone for being indecent…

* * *

"Does this sort of thing happen often around here?" Akane said as she accompanied Asuna to where she was meeting Negi. "Having a vampire in class attacking her classmates so she can get at the teacher, I mean?"

"It's the first time it's happened, to my recollection," Asuna said, hefting the staff Negi had forgotten to bring with him when he left the class. "But who knows?"

The corner of Akane's mouth quirked at this answer, and she wondered if Asuna was deliberately being evasive. Her non-answer covered a lot of ground. "You must get a lot of exercise, delivering newspapers. Do you encounter a lot of joggers on your route?"

"A few?" Asuna said, then frowned. "Wait. How do you know about my paper route? Have you been asking about me?"

"No," Akane said. "Your hands did." Asuna looked at her hands suspiciously. "What a person does on a regular basis leaves marks on their hands, even if those marks are very subtle. Your hands tell me you deliver newspapers."

"Really?" Asuna said skeptically. "What else do they tell you?"

"That you're not a formally trained martial artist like Ayaka, though you have a degree of fighting ability," Akane said. "Though to be honest, that was more from your kick last night."

Asuna looked at her sideways. "What are you, some kind of detective?"

"Yes," Akane said simply.

"Right…" Asuna said, drawing out the word, then shrugging. "Well, with Evangeline-san being a vampire and everything, why not?"

"Speaking of last night," Akane said, "I believe you still owe me an explanation?"

Asuna grimaced, but was saved from responding as they met up with Negi. The boy was still emotional, and Asuna used to pretext of reassuring him to dodge Akane's question. This annoyed her, but she let it slide for now. Just a little kid, just a little kid…

Then they turned around and he'd disappeared.

Asuna turned to Akane. "We'd better split up and look for him," she said.

"With a vampire who's pissed at both of us running around?" Akane countered.

Asuna paused. "Stick together?"

"Stick together."

They couldn't possibly know the Negi was at that moment somewhere most boys would consider marshmallow heaven…

* * *

The two of them turned the corner and found two of the people they were on the lookout for.

"Ah, Kagurazaka Asuna," Evangeline said. "And Tendo Akane."

"You two!" Asuna cried as Akane dropped into a defensive stance, knowing she had no chance to take down Chachamaru, much less a vampire. "What did you do with Negi?"

"Eh?" Evangeline said. "I have no idea."

Asuna faltered. "Really…?"

"Macdowell-san!" Akane declared. "Answer my question!"

Evangeline crooked an exquisite eyebrow? "What?"

Akane whipped out her cross. "Do you feel any discomfort?" she said, brandishing it like a Hollywood reject.

Evangeline pointed up at the sun. "I'm standing in broad daylight. If that's not killing me, you think that will?"

Akane didn't let the rush of fear show. Instead, she put the cross back in her bag. "Well, it was worth a shot."

Evangeline snorted. "Take it easy, Tendo Akane," she said. "You're safe from attack until at least the next full moon."

"Oh good," Akane said, trying to go for 'fearless sarcasm in the face of danger'. "So gracious of you to give me advance warning so I can pencil you into my busy schedule. Why?"

"My powers wax and wane with the moon. And the full moon has now passed," Evangeline said tugging a corner of her mouth to reveal a lack of fangs. "Nice, huh? Until the next full moon, I'm just a normal girl. No point in taking him if I can't suck his blood. But even with this advance warning, the outcome will be the same. As long as he has no partner, no one to back him up in combat… we can take our sweet time taking him down."

"Like hell!" Asuna cried.

"He has us to back him up!," Akane agreed. It would later occur to her maybe her fiancé had rubbed off on her more than she'd like. Why else would she involve herself in a life-or-death struggle with people she'd known barely two days?

"I thought you hated kids?" Evangeline said, smirking at Asuna. "Sleeping on the same bed must have pulled your heart strings."

Say what?

"SAY WHAT?" Akane said, heading snapping around to stare at Asuna.

"That… That's got nothing to do with anything!" Asuna declared, slightly red-faced. "And keep away from Negi! I won't let you get away with–"

"It's not like you can stop us," Evangeline interrupted smoothly. "Now if you'll excuse us, we have a job to do." She pivoted on her heel, completely ignoring them as Chachamaru bowed a farewell and followed her. Neither of the girls followed.

Finally, Akane turned to Asuna. "So," she said, voice struggling to stay level. "You're not related to Negi. You're in the same dorm room. And he sleeps on your bed. Anything else you'd like to add, because the picture I'm coming up with is highly illegal."

Asuna blushed. "It's not like that!" she protested. "Apparently, I smell like his sister from back home, and he's used to sleeping with her, so he was a tendency to sneak into my bed to sleep in."

Akane looked up at the sky, reflecting that had Negi been a couple of years older, this would have been all her old self would have needed to send him to Lower Earth Orbit. Her new self, currently not overflowing with reasons to do otherwise, felt inclined to do the same. But he _wasn't_ a couple of years older, and seemed to genuinely be a nice kid, and Asuna seemed sincerely uncomfortable about the situation. She firmly put her mental foot down and refrained from judgment. A new part said it impede observation. An old part said she could do it later.

"Ok," Akane said. "That's a good explanation as any."

Asuna blinked. "Wait, you're saying you believe me?"

"Occam's Razor," Akane said. "The simplest explanation is most often the right one. Besides, which would you rather have me believe, what you just told me, or that you're in a perverted, pedophilic relationship with your ten year-old teacher, sleeping with him in your dorm, where you have another roommate, who either keeps your secret and thus condones the act, or is drugged or by some other method prevented from revealing your indiscretion?"

Asuna stared. "Wow," she said, sounding amazed. "Sorry, it's just I'm used to people hearing about the situation and getting the completely wrong idea and everything going to hell because of it."

Akane resisted the guilty urge to whistle innocently. "Come on, let's go look for Negi-sensei. The more I hear about him secondhand, the more it seems he's a really clever pervert with a great scam and an even better act."

"If I didn't know better, I'd agree," Asuna said dryly.

In the distance, they heard someone scream. To Asuna, it sounded like a normal scream. To Akane's finely tuned connoisseur of an ear, it was a variation of a theme she knew quite well, one known as "Pervert in the Girl's locker room! It's Happosai!"

"Trouble," Akane said. "Asuna! Where's the nearest place a lot of girls would be undressed or naked?"

The other girl gave her a suspicious look.

"Yeah, I heard it!" Akane said, blushing slightly. "But trust me when I say that was a 'pervert in the bathroom feeling up girls' cry."

Asuna looked skeptical, but began to run, Akane following. "How would you know that for sure?"

"Let's just say you should be thankful you were never _near_ my old school…"

* * *

They burst into the biggest, most designer bath Akane had ever seen. It was the size of an Olympic pool, with tropical plants and a waterfall and everything, with a gazebo-like mini-pool, and another round one off to the side. Asuna had grabbed a bathing bucket as an impromptu weapon, and Akane did the same, though her eyes were busy taking in details of the place. They had a shower in their dorm room, sure, but this place made her not want to use it.

Besides the fixtures, Akane noted the number of girls in swimsuits surrounding Negi, as well as several who were naked, suits either on the tiled floors or floating in the water. A small, white-furred form was scurrying along the ground. It suddenly turned, leaping towards Asuna. The other girl swung her bathing bucket, slamming it onto the furred thing and causing it to slam to the ground, right in Akane's path.

Two things sprang into focus. One, that Asuna's clothes suddenly popped open, her vest and blouse fluttering apart to reveal her bra, a rather full number a little bit fuller than Akane's own. Two, the furry thing was headed straight for her on its rebound. Instinct took over. It always does when you need it most.

"PERVERT!" Akane cried, her bucket moving in a rising swing that caught the white-furred thing perfectly, causing it to slam into the far ceiling. Akane lost track of it in the mist.

"What was that?" Asuna said, looking between her open top and the direction the thing had gone as a slow, approving clap rose from the girls in the water.

"If I didn't know better," Akane said, somehow miraculously not suffering a similar clothing disaster, "I'd say it was a withered old gnome of a super-perverted martial artist."

Asuna stared at her.

"Like I said, you should be thankful you were never near my old school."

Asuna shrugged, turning to see if everyone else was all right, noticed the general state of undress of everyone else, and Akane could practically _hear_ the click of a conclusion. In fairness to Asuna, it was pretty in keeping with the available evidence.

"YOU GUYS BOUGHT NEGI HERE SO YOU COULD GET STARK NAKED FOR HIM? WHAT'RE YOU, NUTS?"

"No Asuna-san! It was a misunderstanding!"

"It was a cheering up party!"

Akane beat a silent retreat as chaos broke out. So that's what it was like to be on the outside of one of these things…

It wasn't until later she realized Asuna still hadn't given her her explanation for last night. "Darn it!"

* * *

The following day was surprisingly… normal. Akane went to class expecting some kind of doom, but no vampires pounced on her, no hordes of hormone driven maniacs suddenly appeared out of the blue. She went to class, sat at her seat, paid attention to her lessons, and ended the academic day without incident.

It was frickin' weird!

As class ended, Akane strode towards Asuna, and tapped the other girl on the shoulder. Green and blue eyes met brown. "Asuna-san, we still need to have that talked you promised me?" Akane said, aware that Konoka was approaching them. She hadn't really gotten to know the girl over the last three days, other than to get the impression she was rather care-free and energetic. She really couldn't tell a lot about the girl, other than she did a lot of cooking and cleaning. She had hands like Kasumi, though less severe.

Asuna grimaced. "Look, can't it wait?"

"I've _been_ waiting," Akane said patiently. "I'd rather we talked now then when Evangeline-san decides to– " she looked around, but found no trace of Chachamaru in the vicinity "– to have Chachamaru-san throw me off the roof!"

Asuna paled. "They wouldn't do that, would they?"

"Probably not," Akane said. "It's probably a waste of good blood. Think of all the starving children in Africa. But if they're willing to kill a little kid, a couple of teenaged girls wouldn't be much more. You know there's more going on then a vampire running around. What else _besides_ the vampire should I worry about?"

If anything, the look on Asuna's face became more pained. She turned to Konoka as the girl approached and said, "Hey, Konoka-chan, I need to talk to Tendo-san here alone okay? I'll meet you later."

"Oh, sure Asuna," Konoka said, looking surprised. "I suppose I'll see you later, Tendo-san. Give Asuna back in one piece."

"I'll try," Akane said. Given the circumstances, there was a good chance she couldn't, though.

Once out of earshot of anyone else, Asuna reluctantly turned to Akane. "Look, in know I said I'd tell you later, but I really need to clear this with Negi-kun first. It's kinda his secret."

Akane sighed. "Well, where is he, then?" she said wearily. Tracking people down was getting tiring. Sherlock Holmes Never had to deal with this. One conversation with a client, a visit to the scene of the crime, talk with those who might have done it, and BAM! Case solved, no fuss, no muss.

They headed for the dorm Asuna shared with Negi, since that was where he was most likely headed towards. The following wild goose chase involving a hologram-projecting letter from Wales, a talking ermine, and a weird plot to make Negi kiss Miyazaki-san made the day finally seem normal.

Oh, and Akane finally found out about mages and contracts.

* * *

_Dear Minna-san,_

_Mahora is feeling more and more like home. We even have our own panty-stealing pervert. His name's Chamo…_

* * *

**- To be continued...**

* * *

A/N: There'll be more developments. I really want to establish Akane's reputation in Mahora, but unfortunately, she's caught in cannon arc.

In the meantime, enjoy the following fan service feature…

* * *

**Omake: AsuNegi Naval Defense! Protect the Ships!**

* * *

"How can you be sure we're related!" Asuna protested as she held Negi to her side. They'd been a pairing since the beginging, and no way there were stopping now just because it looked like she was Negi's mother's younger sister. "I mean, Arika and I look nothing alike, plus she doesn't show any of my magic canceling abilities! Maybe Arika was adopted! Maybe _I_ was adopted! There was no explicit canonical mention we're related!"

"That's right!" Negi argued. "For all we know, Asuna's an artificial being the same way Fate is implied to be. Not that I care! We're meant to be together?"

Akane sweatdropped. "I just asked where you think the Magical World arc was going. No need to get defensive."

The two blushed, but didn't let go of each other. "Sorry," Asuna said. "It's just we've been getting so much backlash. It's unfair, just because we're new and more mainstream! No one cared about Tenchi being the love interest of two of his aunts and a mother/daughter pair! Let's not even get into what CLAMP gets up to!"

"There, there," Konoka said, patting her roommates on the shoulders. "It'll be all right. Akamatsu-sama is very fanservice-oriented. Remember that chapter when Konoka and I made our Pactio?"

"I remember the posters," Negi said, smiling. "About Damn Time!', 'Fans and Perverts Unite at Last!'… people were really supportive."

Off to the side, Setsuna sat, in a happy little haze. Though a small part of her kept wondering why her Pactio's always involved swords. Phallic Freudian much?

* * *

**End!**

* * *

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	5. Letters Home

A/N: finding inspiration for this was strangely difficult. I hope you'll forgive the cop-out.

...

Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 5: Letters Home

Disclaimer: The toys come from the boxes of Rumiko Takahashi and Ken Akamatsu.

...

A normal person would have needed at least 12 hours of denial before coming to terms with the info-dump Asuna had dropped on Akane about mages and contracts and such the day before. Akane wasn't sure what it said about her that she only needed five minutes. The talking Ermine probably helped.

She'd studied Negi as they'd explained, looking at him in a new light. She'd thought he was an academic, which he was, but given that Asuna said he was a mage, she wondered how much of that showed in the clues she'd seen. His hands were marked, in her eyes anyway, by what he'd grown up learning. Hands callused in its own special way from wielding a staff not as an impact weapon but as a– what? Prop? Concentration aid? The way he moved, the strength behind them too powerful to be accounted by his physique. Negi had told her his body was slightly strengthened by his magic. The way that staff stuck to his back with nothing but air, for crying out loud!

She'd headed back to her room to consider her new data, where she found Chisame eating a bowl of instant ramen while working on that day's assignments. The other girl looked up briefly in annoyance, but seemed to subside when she saw it was just Akane. Akane nodded at the girl in acknowledgement, pulling out her own workbooks out of her bag and getting to work. 'Fun' as it was, she couldn't worry about bloodsucking loli mages out to suck the blood of her ten year-old mage English teacher all the time.

Akane paused and tried that sentence in her head again. Nope, it was still as weird as before.

The silence went on as the two worked. Eventually, Akane took out the stationary Kasumi had given her as a congratulatory present and began to write back home…

...

The next few days were sort of a blur for Akane. After the first semi-disastrous attempt at stalking Chachamaru– which made her wonder if she was gifted for noticing the girl was a robot since her disguise was _really _that good or everyone else was just stupid– she'd tried again.

The result was a madcap adventure wherein the two somehow managed to stumble onto an illegal dog-fighting ring due to Chachamaru's soft-hearted nature and Akane's detective skills. Really. Akane, to her annoyance, had to spend the next few days getting various stolen dogs back to their owners. The next she was able to talk to Asuna outside in class, the Evangeline situation had somehow been resolved.

"Resolved _how?_" she asked the red-headed girl, who was looking very pleased with herself.

"We kicked their ass!" Asuna said, giving her a thumbs-up.

"How did you do that by kissing sensei?" Akane asked. "And does it have anything to do with the field trip to Kyoto?"

Asuna froze, her expression quickly turning to terrified mortification. "How do you know about that?" she hissed.

"I have a lot of experience identifying when people have kissed. I'm a super-detective, remember?" Akane said, then shook her head. "First you're on a first-name basis with him, then he sleeps with you, and now you're kissing him? I try to be an understanding, open-minded, unbiased person Asuna-san, but you're making me very suspicious right now."

At that very moment, the entire population of Furinkan High felt the urge to snort in derision and couldn't understand why.

"It's not what it sounds like," Asuna insisted. "It was all part of this weird magic ceremony. I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't an emergency!"

Akane was about to say something scathing but restrained herself. Several universes rocked on their foundations. "Is this something that requires a rather lengthy explanation to make sense?" she asked instead.

"The ermine can explain it," Asuna said.

"Are you as depressed as I am that 'The ermine can explain it' is a viable explanation?"

"A bit. My dreams of a normal life cry."

Akane rubbed her temples. "I really need to call home. Be reminded of what's normal."

The door to 3A suddenly opened. "Akane-sensei!" a group of what appeared grade school girls cried. "It's terrible! Some fiend has stolen all the baked goods from the Home Economics classroom! We need Great Detective Akane!"

Asuna blinked, staring at Akane as the latter rose to her feet. "Huh?" Asuna said intelligently. Others in 3-A were stopping what they were doing and staring.

"You're not the only one who's been busy," Akane said, grinning. She turned to the girls. "You're aware of my fees?"

The girls nodded. One held out a jar filled with lunch money and various lunch tickets.

Asuna, however, was not to be put off. "Great Detective Akane?" she repeated.

Akane drew a square of card from her pocket and gave it to the girl. The card read:

_**TENDO AKANE — MASTER DETECTIVE**_

_Lost Items Found. Paranormal Investigations._

_Consulting. Advice. Reasonable Rates._

_No Dates, Romantic Advice, Parties or _

_Other Entertainments _

"That business card looks strangely familiar," Yue said, before shrugging and going back to reading her copy of Storm Front.

...

Mail from Akane was a frequent affair. Letters came at least once a week, and you could usually tell when it had arrived by the commotion at the Tendo household. Despite their belligerence towards the girl, many people had held her presence as a part of their routine, and were surprised to find their days a bit lacking now that she was gone. Shampoo had found herself nostalgically making up plans to either get Akane out of the way of show her upon before remembering she was no longer around. Ukyou found it just wasn't the same needing to remind Ranma– and herself– of her annoying points when he came over to sulk– which he was in denial about.

Akane's near weekly letters had become a sort of demilitarized time for everyone to fill up the Akane-shaped hole in their routine. Kasumi found she was entertaining a lot more people than she usually did. Tatewaki-kun was such a dear, bringing her some little box of treats and bowing like a gentleman before he went off to play with Ranma.

Nabiki, predictably, was charging admission.

_Dear Minna-san,_

_I've just solved my first mystery here in Mahora! There was this bunch of hooligans who were going around kidnapping dogs for an illegal dog-fighting ring. My classmate Chachamaru-san and I managed to put a stop to that. You'll like Chachamaru-san, Kasumi. She brews a wonderful cup of tea…_

…

_Dear Dear Minna-san,_

_I'm doing very well for myself here. Some girl who couldn't stick to her diet raided the Home EC room. Thanks to the money I made on that case, I was able to go shopping for our trip to Kyoto…_

…

_Dear Minna-san,_

_I hate frogs. Somehow, a lot of frogs arranged to get on the train we were riding and got in __**everywhere**__! It was like that movie 'Snakes on a Plane', except slimier. Some of my classmates actually fainted. And later on, someone spiked the Otowa waterfall with alcohol, getting a lot of my classmates drunk. That's what they get for drinking from the stream of True Love. I drank from Wisdom myself. By the way, I've been meaning to ask: Kuno-sempai, do you happen to have a relative here in Mahora? Tall girl, blonde, out-spoken, richer than Bruce Wayne? Do you know her?_

_Ryouga, Ranma, stop being jealous, I know Kuno is there listening to Kasumi read this letter. Put that table down._

_Yes, I can read your minds._

_Put that potion back in your bag Shampoo. With your luck, Mousse will end up drinking it._

_Mousse, that's Ukyo's bag you're raiding. She won't be pleased with you._

_Anyway, most of my classmates were drunk that night when the hot-spring locker room was over-run by monkeys. Do you know if Happosai ever spent time in this area? Because the monkeys all acted like they were his students. We had a hard time cleaning up that mess. Everyone's underwear was all mixed up._

_No, I'm not going to tell you what I was wearing._

_Ukyou, Shampoo, hit the boys for me, will you? On general principle?_

_Thank you. Anyway while I was here, I met this cute boy who stole a kiss from me– someone please get dad some water before he dehydrates…_

…

_Dear Minna-san,_

_As I am sure the box of souvenirs I sent did not survive, here's another one. _

_That explosive, which I'm sure resulted from all the scrambling, was courtesy of my classmate Chao-chan. Anyway, Kasumi is to hand them out. Kyoto was great. The Cinema Village was a lot of fun. Enclosed are pictures of me as a detective. Those girls around me are my classmates. That girl in the samurai outfit– yes, the one the other girl in the kimono is holding on to so tightly– a relative of yours, Shampoo? =)– is Setsuna-san, our class's kendo-ka, and pretty good at it. She could give you a run for your money, Kuno-sempai. _

_Anyway, Konoka-chan– the clamped onto Setsuna-san– is originally from Kyoto, and she invited us to their house. It was HUGE. We really partied that night. _

_Yes, I can party. _

_Someone hit Ranma for me, will you? _

_Thank you. By the way, dad, am I allowed to experiment with lesbian sex while I'm here?_

_Nabiki, please send me the photos of the looks on everyone's faces. The next letter will include your fee. _

_Anyway, my sensei recently took an interest in martial arts, so he, one of my classmates Ku Fei, and I have been training every morning. By the way Kodachi– yes, I know you're there, sitting on Ranma's right side. No, I'm not a witch, but I'm getting there = )– have you happened to have heard of a girl named Sasaki Makie in your circles? She's a classmate of mine, and pretty good at non-martial Gymnastics…_

…

_Dear Minna-san,_

_Sorry I didn't come home for Golden Week. My classmate Ayaka– the rich one?– rented out an entire resort island in the south pacific, so the class went with her. I know she was doing it to try and seduce our homeroom teacher, so naturally I had to stop her. It was kind of tense though since Asuna-san and sensei recently got in a fight. Asuna-san and sensei are usually on good terms with each other, and are even sparring partners, of a sort, so this actually got the whole class concerned. Fortunately, they were able to kiss and make up, though not literally, no matter what anyone else says. I was in the cabin a few doors from sensei, and all I saw was Asuna throwing him into the water and then the two of them talking. _

_It's strange what kind of rumors spring up around sensei. Just yesterday, Asakura was going on about how sensei and Evangeline-san were having a torrid, illicit affair of the lolicon variety because lately he's been tired when he comes to class. It turns out, Evangeline-san's been teaching him how to play that game 'Mages and Monsters' and they've been having late night gaming sessions. A few of my other classmate and I– see how grammatically correct I am?– have joined in their training sessions, and it's been fun. I play a Mage-in-Training cross-classed Private Investigator. We're currently going through Evangeline-san's latest quest for us, which is to rescue the kidnapped civilians who were taken by the demon who traumatized Negi-sensei's mage character in his childhood…_

…

_Dear Minna-san,_

_Anyway, midterms are finally over, thank goodness. The school festival is in two weeks, and we're pretty busy with preparations. Our class is considering putting up a Maid Café, though that's not the only choice. Other ideas include an 'All Girl Swimsuit Expo Café', an 'All Girl Mud Wrestling Café', a 'Cat-eared Nudie Bar', and a 'No Panties Café.'_

_Ukyo, Shampoo, give them all a smack, will you?_

_By the way, it turns out our classroom is haunted! Just my luck, right?but unlike all those times we've run into ghosts, this one is actually pretty nice. Sayo-chan is actually pretty nice, if a bit clumsy (she keeps tripping on things, which is pretty hard to do without legs). Still, she's going to help us set up the BEST haunted house!_

_There was some kind of disturbance at the University Robotics Lab yesterday, but Chachamaru-san said it was nothing, just a malfunctioning robot…_

_Dear Minna-san,_

_This is probably against my better judgment, but how would you guys like to visit for the School Festival? We're having a Martial Arts Tournament, and it promises to be huge. _

_Yes Nabiki, I realize I'll be paying for all that damage just now. Yes, I know this predicting what you're going to be saying or thinking days in advance is kind of annoying. Imagine how much money I'm making playing the stock market =P_

_Anyway, besides the Tournament– no Ryouga, Kuno, I will not be impressed by who so ever manages to win it, so stop taunting Ranma– my own Mahora Civil Security Surveillance Association will be holding a self-defense presentation, a Mystery Dinner Theater (starring your truly!) and a Mystery Hunt. Plus, my class is holding what can only generously be called a Moe Moe Haunted House. Given they're likely to shanghai me for a few hours, I'm likely to be wearing something very…._

_Why Kuno, so generous of you to volunteer to bring everyone. That WAS what you were about to say, right? _

_I thought so. _

_Everyone, remember to thank Kuno-sempai properly. _

_Stay Safe!_

_Tendo Akane_

_P.S. Can someone kick those two? Even just imagining it, their singing about how the schools will be joined is irritating._

_Thank you. _

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: I decided not to rehash the end of the Evangeline Arc, the Kyoto Arc and the 'Negi's Tragic Backstory' Exposition Arc. I really can't think of what Akane can do their other than be a badly tacked-on extra, even with my writing abilities (modest, aren't I?). The School Festival, however, I CAN put her in…

And yes, the others show up. Instead of telling me things, how about trying to guess what I have in store for them?

...

**Omake: A Medical Condition**

Suggested by **bissek**

...

"Well, doctor?" the father said as he stood next to his daughter in the examination room. "Give it to us straight. We can take it!"

The doctor sighed. "I'm afraid everything checks out. Your daughter is suffering from akanema, a pronounced cuteness deficiency."

The girl, who was slim, had great hair, a bust that caused traffic accidents and the personality of a goldfish, began to cry. She'd been dreading this. While hot girls might get all the attention, cute girls had the actual fun.

"Oh, my poor baby!" the father said, giving his daughter a hug. He looked at the doctor. "Isn't there anything we can do?"

The doctor pursed his lips. "Well, it's a long shot, but there is one thing. We can try an osmotic cuteness transfer."

"An osmotic cuteness transfer?" the father said. "Is that possible?"

"It's risky," the doctor said. "There's a chance of your daughter getting caught naked in public, public displays of her underwear, unsuitable displays of affection to those not of her age group, possibly bisexual or lesbian tendencies, participation in combat training montages, inappropriate actions with or to a minor, sexual deviance, flames, accusations of being a Mary Sue… there are a lot of risks sir. But if it works, there's a chance your daughter's cuteness will not only go up, but she will have sustained significant character development, learned self-defense, gained a more thorough understanding of her own sexuality and preferences, not to mention a degree of self-esteem and respect."

"My daughter doesn't need character development!" the father protested.

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "What's her _name_?"

"Um… all right, point taken."

The doctor nodded, and wrote out a prescription. "I advice your daughter to become part of a _Mahou Sensei Negima_ crossover as soon as possible. With that treatment, it shouldn't take long, six months of appearances at most."

The father took the prescription thankfully. "Thank you, doctor."

"Anytime sir, that's what we're here for."

...

**End!**

...

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	6. Akane! A Growth Industry!

A/N: Enjoy.

...

Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 6: Akane! A Growth Industry!

Disclaimer: The toys come from the boxes of Rumiko Takahashi and Ken Akamatsu.

...

"**THIS IS IT! THE 78****TH**** ANNUAL MAHORA FESTIVAL STARTS NOW!**"

In all her letters home, Akane kept saying that Mahora Academy was big, and its residents liked doing things over the top.

"Are those dinosaurs?" Ukyo said, gawking. The others turned around to gawk with her, except for Kuno (who was frantically taking pictures of an armored knight riding an equally armored horse) and Mousse (who for once had his glasses on and was lusting over the tank rolling by).

They watched as a giant T-rex nearly stepped on a young boy. It was a mark of how dumbfounded they were that none of them tried to do something stupid like dive forward to save him, thus inserting themselves in a rather awkward manner in someone else's narrative.

"They say," Nabiki said, voice slightly glazed, "that as much as 260 million yen exchange hands everyday during the Mahora Festival." Her eyebrow twitched. "I am going to _kill_ Akane for keeping me out of the loop!"

"Now Nabiki, that's not a every nice thing to say," Kasumi said. She looked at the map in her hands. She frowned, then looked around them. "Oh my, it's so big! Finding Akane's classroom may be harder than we thought!"

The trip had been… interesting, to say the least. To say that Akane had managed to manipulate it by letter over several weeks was understating it. She'd managed, over several days, to get Kuno to not only pay for everyone going to Mahora for the Festival– all 3 days of it– but to pay for their rooms as well. That part had gone smoothly. It was the subsequent train and bus ride that had been the problem. And little sleep had been had the night before, since Mousse had kept trying to put some kind of powder on Ranma while he slept, while Ryouga had alternated between glaring at Ranma and egging Mousse on. Kuno had needed to act as the voice of reason, which had confused the hell out of everyone enough for them to settle down at around two o'clock in the morning. The fathers, damn them, had slept through everything. The girls, with no one actively baiting the others, had a much quieter night. Kodachi, Kasumi, Shampoo and Ukyo had done each other's hair. Then they'd had to redo it properly because the others kept putting things like flour bombs, thorns and needles in it. Nabiki had logged online and had run into the aforementioned statistic.

The breakfast buffet never knew what hit it.

Cologne hopped over to look at the map, then shook her head in disgust. It was one of those stylized theme-park maps, the kind that was no good at maneuvering through real streets. She looked around. There were a lot of people strangely dressed, but this event being what it was, it was even odds they were tourist just like them. A trio of dark-clad girls who were handing out flyers looked promising, but they were walking away even as she caught sight of them. Only two other people around seemed likely, and one of them was the young man in the sandwich board who had given them the unfortunately useless map. The other one was carrying a large sign that said: "Visit the 3A Ba-Bump!-Nothing-But-Babes-Haunted-House! Ask Me How!"

"Kasumi, what class did you say Akane was in?"

"3-A," practically everyone else said. Akane's classmates had been frequently mentioned in her letters, and they'd had the number drummed into all of them.

Cologne nodded. "You there! Young man!" she called.

The boy with the sign looked around, and spotted them. Like many people, he was in costume, wearing dark slacks and shirt, cowboy boots, and a leather duster with all sorts of symbols painted into it in some darker ink that looked like it belonged on the set of _El Dorado_. Costume jewelry in the form of a bracelet and necklace with a big wire-frame star on it hung at the standard points. A fedora hung low over the boy's eyes, and besides the sign he clutched a long wooden staff that looked like it had been badly hacked off a tree, with symbols painted near the top in some sort of orange goop, which upon further observation turned out to be the word 'matrix' in mirror-reverse katakana. "Yes ma'm?" he said, with what was either a speech impediment or an attempt at a foreign accent.

"Young man, can you please help us find our way to class 3A?" Cologne said in her most shameless 'helpless little old lady voice'. "This map of ours seems to be completely useless."

"Oh, I'm sure it'll work in the toilet just fine," the boy said with a laugh. He shouldered his sign. "Follow me, ma'm. I'm about to go on break. Need to return this sign to them, anyway."

He watched as order, such as it was, was restored by the simple expedient of the girls yelling at the boys, a bemused look on his face. "Big family you've got here," he said, and was promptly rewarded with an impromptu treatise– several, actually– about how, no, they weren't related like that. This left him even more bemused. "Um, right. Well, this way, if you please…?"

Their guide began to walk, and they feel in after him. It was slow going. The streets were packed, and between gawking at all the strangely costumed people– "Magical Girls Biblion!" Shampoo gushed– and being gushed at in turn– "Nice Seta Soujiro costume!" someone told a confused Kuno. "Can we take your picture?"– not to mention all the booths and attractions. There were street performers, artists, peddlers selling everything from balloons to weird foods and unusual drinks– "Finally! Hedgehog-flavored potato chips with onion and lime juice!" cried Ryouga– books, bobble heads and practically anything else.

It was as they were passing one such booth when nearly every screeched to a halt, and their guide had already gone three steps before he realized he was alone. He turned at what they were staring at.

"What the he–" Nabiki said before conveniently being transitioned out.

Ukyo leaned forward to look more closely at a t-shirt that was being sold, equally as disbelieving. "'I'm gay for Akane-sama'?" she read out loud, looking at the words written above a profile shot of Akane's head. There were a lot of those shirts.

"That just wrong," Shampoo said.

"Oh, how cute!" Kasumi said, picking up a small Akane bobble-head, which was holding a magnifying glass, as opposed to one of the ones holding a big mallet. She tapped the head, which bobbled amusingly. "It looks just like Akane!"

"But of course!" one of the girls behind the counter said, smiling brightly at Kasumi. "Only items of the best quality here at Akanelandia, your only stop for all things about Great Detective Akane-sama! Could I interest you in a picture? A poster perhaps? A full body pillow? Her complete class schedule for the year for stalking purposes?"

Kuno appeared as if by magic in front of the girl, slamming down a think wad of cash. "Three of everything! Let it not be said that I was frugal in giving proper tribute to passionate tigress Tendo Akane!"

Their guide tapped the stick he was carrying , looking up to the sky as if for guidance before beginning to wave the sign advertising the 3A Horror House again as the other crowded the stall.

"'The reason we don't know if aliens exist is because no one is paying Akane-sama enough to find out'," Genma read from another shirt after wiping his glasses to make sure he was seeing it right. "'We didn't find life on Mars because we didn't' send Akane-sama'. 'Agencies aren't vying to recruit Akane-sama, their vying to be recruited _by_ her'. Tendo, are you seeing this?"

But Soun was crying over a wall scroll of Akane in PE clothes and didn't respond (Ryouga bought one).

Nabikia, Ranma, Shampoo, Kodachi and Cologne, meanwhile, were still boggling. "Are we talking the same Akane here?" Ranma said. He waved a hand. "About this high, blue hair, like yelling 'pervert'?"

"I don't know about the last one, sir," another of the girls who was helping pack up Kuno's purchases– her name-tag identified her as 'Kanade'– said. "But yes, that seems to be Akane-sama."

"She's unbelievable!" the last girl– 'Yukino', her tag read– exclaimed. "She was able to solve the mystery of who was stealing all the Maru Maru Banana snacks from the convenience store, helped clear the Glee club of sabotage, broke up that illegal dog-fighting ring, ended the attacks of the Sakura Lane vampire–"

"She had nothing to do with that, actually, they just stopped on their own," their guide said, then went back to the tune he was whistling.

Yuki and Kana both turned to him and fell silent. Hastily, they hurried with bagging Kuno's purchases.

The girl who originally spoke, however– her tag read 'Sakuya'– would not relent, eagerly taking up the recitation. Such as it was. "She's absolutely the _coolest_ girl on campus, even more famous than the child teacher! Oh, Akane-sama! If only you were here, that I may express my undying admiration of your sheer awesomeness!"

Yukino and Kanade exchanged unreadable looks, then glanced at the guide, a strange expression on their faces. He shrugged.

It took a while for everyone to leave the stand alone. Nabiki eventually snapped out of her funk, muttering darkly about 'being kept out of the loop' and 'money wasted'.

"So, I take it you know Akane-sama?" their guide said conversationally as they resumed walking.

"Oh yes," Kasumi said. "She's our little sister."

"Hers and Nabiki's," Ukyo clarified. "The rest of us aren't related."

"Oh, wow!" their guide said. "You hear things about Akane-sama, but it's hard to know what's real or not. Is it true she's engaged to some boy who isn't good enough for her?"

"Most certainly!" Kuno said.

"Yup!" Ryouga chirped

"Completely untrue!" Ukyo said.

"HEY!" Ranma cried.

...

The line to 3A was packed and went down the stairs back to the first floor.

"Doing good business, this one," their guide said. He looked up and down the line. "You might have to wait until this afternoon. Unless you're just looking for Akane-sama. Then I suppose it's ok to head to the front of the line and ask her classmates if she's there."

"Why wouldn't she be?" Ukyo said.

"Well, she's a very busy woman. She's part of the Mahora Civil Security Surveillance Association, hangs out with the Martial Arts Club, is an honorary member of the Theater Club, and of course there's her detective agency. Plus I've heard she's volunteered to help with festival security. Speaking of which, where's your friend in the leotard?"

_Elsewhere…_

"OH HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!"

"My miss, you pull off that look quite nicely. I thought we'd never rent out that leather bikini…"

_And we're back…_

"This festival is doomed," Nabiki said, speaking the thoughts of most of them.

"Oh, let's not over react," Kasumi said. "How much trouble can Kodachi-chan get into by herself?"

Inside the haunted house, thunder rumbled ominously.

"Most ominous," Cologne said.

"Hi!" a dark-haired girl with a pony-tail on one side of her head wearing a fur-rimmed tube-top and catgirl-y appearance said. "Welcome to the 3A 'Ba-Bump! Nuthin' But Babes Haunted House'! Sorry, but you'll have to go to the back of the line, please, no cutting." She looked over at their guide. "Oh, you're back! Well, put the sign away and take your break, we can take it from here."

"Scuse me, but we're looking for Tendo Akane," Ranma said quickly as the girl began to turn away. "Can you help us find her?"

She and another dressed up as some kind of Succubus both exchanged glances, and looked at their guide. He shrugged.

"I figured her classmates would be the best ones at helping find Akane," their guide said, crossing his arms and leaning the sign he was holding against the wall, his staff on the crook of his elbow. He didn't seem to be any hurry to take his break.

The two girls exchanged grins. "Oh, you're looking for Akane-chan? And who might you be, handsome?" this with a rather interested smile on their faces.

"My Airen!" Shampoo said, latching on to Ranma's side.

"No, he's MY fiancée!" Ukyo countered, latching to the other side.

"Really," their guide said lazily. "Do you happen to have some kind of legal document saying so?"

Ukyo sniffed. "Document, schmocument! Ran-chan and I have been promised since we were kids!"

"Amazon law say we married!" Shampoo shot back.

Before Mousse and other parties could intervene in a manner that would result in making sure that, as the sages write, Hilarity Ensues, a tall, blonde girl in a black dress with large… _tracts of land _stepped between the two amused looking girls who were watching the exchange with keen interest. "Yuna-san, Sakurako-san, why are the two of you just standing around here? We have customers wait–" she cut off abruptly as she saw Kuno. "Tate-kun! You came!"

The suddenly excited girl launched herself at Kuno, who had suddenly burst out in a laugh and caught her, spinning her around as the guide muttered something under his breath. "Ayaka-chan! It _is_ you! I thought that was you in Tendo Akane's letter, though I never managed to answer her. How is my favorite cousin?"

"Your cousin is fine," Ayaka said loftily. She looked around. "Where's Ko-chan? Don't tell me you haven't gotten around to buying a leash for her yet?"

"Alas, that is a purchase I have yet to make," Kuno said. He turned to the others. "Peasants, I bid you greet my esteemed cousin Yukihiro Ayaka, the Winter Flower in Bloom!"

"Are you _still_ on those names?" Ayaka laughed. "Grow _up_ Tatewaki!"

She turned to their guide. "Akane-san, you never told me you knew my deluded lout of a cousin!"

Everyone suddenly felt as if they were choking on something as they were whirled to look at the 'boy' that had been their guide.

Akane took off her hat, a lazy, slightly smug smile on her face. "Well, it never really came up, and I wasn't sure until now that you knew each other, much less really related." She looked at the gawking collection of martial artists. "Honestly, you guys are slow on the uptake. Well, welcome to Mahora. Just like home, isn't it?"

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: Short, but hopefully sweet. No, Haruna's not related to Ranma. Too obvious.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	7. Welcome to Mahoraland!

Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 7: Welcome to Mahoraland!

Disclaimer: The toys come from the boxes of Rumiko Takahashi and Ken Akamatsu.

...

Akane waved in a Royal Family sort of way at some girls who were talking excitedly between themselves and snapping her picture. At her gesture, they all squealed very loud, fan-girlish and piercing squeals that made Shampoo _long_ to throw the table at them. Akane had _insisted_, once she'd finished fending off her classmates from draping themselves all over Ranma, Ryouga, and even Kuno and Mousse– the girls had all accused her of hoarding all the hot guys to herself, to which she'd made an off-hand comment about their sensei that had Ayaka sputtering and the others grinning in a positively unholy manner– that she treat them all to this coffee shop she knew. The place had greeted her with familiarity and some of the patrons had even applauded, which Akane had waved off demurely and left the others stunned. She'd then paid for a round of snacks, pulling out a littereal roll of Yen that had left Nabiki staring.

"'I'm gay for Akane-sama'?" Akane read before the girls moved out of sight. "Is that still going on? I was hoping Sakuya-san was joking about having shirts made. Ah, the price of being completely irresistible to strange girls. You must have rubbed off on me more than I thought, Ranma."

Akane took a moment process this, noted the innuendo, and smacked Kuno, Ranma, Mousse and Nabiki with the stick she was holding on general principle before their dirty minds got more than a little started.

"Ow!"

"Hey!"

"Tendo Akane!"

"What did I do!-?-!"

Kasumi clapped her hands. "Oh, Akane it _IS_ still you! I had gotten worried you might have been possessed!"

Everyone gave Kasumi a look, but didn't dispute the statement.

Akane sighed. "Yes, I suppose somewhere inside there will always a little violent manic willing to repay incorrect conclusions and misunderstandings with selfishness, violence and comedic sociopathy." She smiled. "I try not to let her run things anymore, but sometimes it does me good to let the little gorilla out."

They all stared at her.

She huffed. "Hey, me admitting I'm wrong is NOT the sign of the apocalypse! The three of us agreeing to share Ranma and become part of his harem, _THAT'S _an apocalyptic sign."

Some people blushed, though Cologne opted for suddenly snickering at the cross-eyed look that came over Ranma.

"She's right, I suppose," Ukyo said.

Shampoo nodded reluctantly. She hated conceding to Akane, even if it was this point. "Violent Girl have point."

Akane nodded, then her rolled up mat snapped again, hitting Kuno and Ryouga. "None of that," she said. "I'm the one who made the harem comment, remember? Besides, as a dully appointed Festival peacekeeper, I'd be obligated to put any troublemakers under arrest and stick them in jail to cool off."

She held up a little laminated id card, the cheap kind. It did, indeed, stating she was a Festival peacekeeper.

Shampoo peered at it. "Low standards they have here."

Akane didn't glare, didn't get mad, though her eyes did go flat and slightly tight. "I'll give you that one, Shampoo. Just cause I missed you. Though if you keep trying to ruin a perfectly nice day at my school festival… well, a lot of people are going to want to have words with you, and not just me. So can't you put trying to get into Ranma's pants aside for the next three days out of the way at least? Please?"

She said with such a wide, saccharine-sincere smile that it made everyone's skin crawl. It looked disturbingly like Kasumi's which was even worse.

Akane clapped her hands suddenly, startling everyone. "Right then. The most boy-crazy ones should be taking their breaks by now, and the rest won't be anything Ayaka and I can't handle, so why don't we head back to my class? What we have is actually pretty good. If we're lucky, Sayo-chan will still be there."

"Sayo-chan?" Nabiki inquired as they reluctantly began getting up.

"The class ghost."

"You're kidding, right?" Ukyo said.

"Nope."

...

There was, of course, a problem.

"Airen come with me!" Shampoo declared, going for the arm.

"Not a chance, Sugar!" Ukyo said, going for, of course, the other arm.

Akane felt her classmate's bemused looks, many turning to her for some sort of explanation. Her tendency to explain things to her classmate had, due to their lessened level of awe of her, had given her the class title Exposition Girl, and while not as cool-sounding as Great Detective Akane, she was forced to admit it was appropriate, and at least it was given with no malice aforethought.

"Don't look at me," she said. "I've _never_ understood these two." Still, she supposed she should do something. "Fuka, Fumika, would you two _please_ be so kind as to escort Ranma through the haunted house?"

"Okay!" the twins said enthusiastically, running forward to grab Ranma's hands. The two older girls' hands tightened for a moment, and Akane rolled her eyes at them.

"Oh, come on!" she told them. "Look, he's not with any of us, so would you just let it go? What'll he do to two little girls anyway?"

The two others girls glared, but reluctantly loosened their hold. Instantly, the Narutaki twins dragged him off, laughing as they pulled him towards one of the doors. It opened and shut with a rather final crash.

The rest of the girls kept glancing between Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo.

"Akane-chan…" Misa said. "Is there something you're not telling us…?"

"I'm not telling you a lot of things, Misa," Akane said lightly. "I don't tell people a lot of things. Sensitive information like, say, who ways what. If girls weighed don't want to admit to weighing 135 pounds and actually stuff their bra, that's their business…"

Some of the girls began to fidget self-consciously.

"You're scary, Akane," said Yuna.

From behind the door Ranma had been dragged in, screams began to rise.

The 3-A girls, except for Akane, stared at it in surprise.

"Huh? What's he so scared off? It's not that bad…" Sakurako said.

"Everyone's wearing nekomimi?" Akane asked innocently.

"Well, yeah. It seemed a hit with the other boys…."

Akane bravely stifled the urge to let loose an Evangeline-grade evil laugh. Instead, she walked over to Ukyo and Shampoo and, taking the position normally reserved for Ranma, hooked an arm through each girl's elbow. "Well, come on you two. Best I be your escort."

The two glared at her. Fortunately, Evangeline had also been helping her raise her resistance to those. "You planned this," Ukyo accused.

"Duh. I _like_ being in this school…"

...

By the time everyone had gone through the haunted house– the nervous look of the boys at their _quite_ appreciative escorts had been adorably amusing, to say the least, though Cologne had declined to enter, and thus ended up scaring more than one patron who thought she was a prop– the festival was well into full swing.

As she watched her family– such as it was– and assorted hangers on come out the back of the haunted house, doing her best to ignore Ukyo and Shampoo blatantly flirting with Ranma, she went through her plan in her head once again. It was simple, as tour plans went, neatly circumventing the danger zones Setsuna had told her about. A pity World Tree's magical effects seemed limited to compulsions. Power on that scale might easily be enough to undo the various Jusenkyo curses, but only with careful application and research. Full body transformation spells seemed to be a power thing, and not something that happened every day, or as simply undone, by what Negi's memories and what little she and Yue had learned indicated.

Still, if that Demon Count had been correct in his assessment of Konoka's abilities, could she also be able to undo the various curses? Something to think about in future…

Her brain tickled her to pay attention, and she came back to herself in time to see Genma, the last of those passing through– her classmates had been reluctant to escort the man so Ayaka, bless her determined soul, had opted to do so. Akane had to give the class-rep credit, her personal style of Aikijujitsu wasn't anywhere _near_ the levels of those Akane hung around with– past and present, though it was quite an achievement by mundane people standards– but the blond could do grace, elegance and poise like nobody's business. Some of it even seemed to apply to Genma, at least until she let go of him. Then he was as slovenly as always. The two of them standing together looked like a luxury Transformer next to a wreck the Mythbusters had been at and left on the bomb range for a year.

"Thanks class-rep," Akane said. "We'll get out of your hair now. See you at the party tonight?"

The blonde waved loftily. "Oh, no need to bother coming Akane-san. If you must spend time with your family, then who am I to begrudge you that? You certainly have no obligations to join the class."

With a guilty internal wince, Akane realized in a flash of Fridge Brilliance that Ayaka probably wouldn't have her parents come by for the festival. They were busy people, after all. It was probably why she was always so devoted to class work. It gave her something to do to forget. Thank goodness it hadn't turned her into a rebellious child or a substance abuser, or messed her up badly– well, worse than was usual for 3-A, anyway. After all, she could have turned out like…

… like the Kunos.

Akane twitched as she realized she'd just had a sympathetic thought for that pair, then twitched again as her logic chided for her snap condemnation. It can't be easy to lose their mother and have a nut for a father after all. She of all people should be more sympathetic, having gone through something similar. And she still had it better. At least her dad was present and relatively sane.

Her mind stopped this line of thought as it began to draw parallels between her and Kodachi. Sympathy or not, some things didn't bear thinking off.

"Well," she said, to get everyone's attention. "The tournament's not until later tonight, so we still have a couple of hours to kill. Shall we?"

She began walking, bypassing Ranma and, to the astonishment of all, herself included, hooking her arm through Kuno's, who stared at her, his usual pomposity short-circuited with surprise. She turned to look back at Ayaka. "I'll make sure to bring him back with a full tank of gas and the windows cleaned," she said cheekily, tapping the stick she was carrying against her hat in salute.

Ayaka laughed. "Now be good, Tatewaki!" she chided him. "Don't give Tendo-san any grief!"

"Class-rep," Akane said, deciding to make the girl happy. "Negi at six o'clock."

The bamf as air rushed back to fill the vacuum Ayaka made by turning was almost audible. It probably violated a lot of laws in several countries to encourage this, but very little seemed to make the girl genuinely happy, and when she wasn't being weird about it, it was pretty damn cute.

Though if this was Ayaka treating Negi like a little brother… well, she WAS related to the Kunos…

Shaking her head, Akane thrust her stick forward. "Onward!"

She quite easily ignored the looks directed at the back of her head that wondered whether she had gone insane. She could be nice too, damn it!

...

The easiest way to properly enjoy the festival, her classmates had advised her, was simply to walk around. What was the point of walking and powering your way through to some class or club's attraction when you missed everything along the way, which was just as interesting and less aggravating?

Akane found she was perfectly capable of playing tour guide. Her familiarity of the school's layout was practically encyclopedic– the official kind, with lots of research and notations, not the kind that just copy-pastes from Wikipedia– its organizations only slightly less. She had a general idea of what most of the groups were presenting, and planned their route accordingly.

First, however…

"Costume rental? Really, Akane?" Nabiki said.

"Where else can you rent a complte Darth Vader costume and not be looked at weird?" Akane said rhetorically. "Even in Nerima, you'd get idiots bugging to know if you practiced, oh, Sith Martial Arts." A beat. "No boys, there probably aren't any practitioners of Sith Martial Arts. If nothing else, George Lucas's subpoena ninja have probably already wiped them out."

"Subpoena ninja," Cologne said gravely. "A terrifying thought." Nabiki nodded in agreement.

Akane sighed.

Outfits were chosen and fees were paid. Kuno fielded the cost of this one, even though it wasn't really expensive. Akane hoped this wasn't going to his head. She was just being nice, after all. Yet for all her deductive ability, she had to admit to herself that she had yet to find where the people in her unfortunate home circle drew line between 'just being nice' and 'Oh KAMI, she likes me!'. She supposed it probably didn't matter with Kuno. Either way, he was already over the edge.

Ukyo had opted for a generic ninja outfit– generic, that is, for a La Blue Girl extra. It was a lot less that Akane had ever seen Kaede worn, though admittedly not by much. Shampoo had picked one of the many, many maid outfits for rent, one of the more gothic ones that Evangeline probably wouldn't mind stuffing her servants in, or even wearing herself. Mousse had switched out his robes for a white coat and was going as a generic mad scientist. Akane could tell he just wanted an adequate excuse to have his thick glasses on, not wanting to miss the sights. Ryouga had been uncomfortable about getting changed, until Akane began making off-hand comments about the Spider-Ham costume they had that seemed to have been bought as a joke. He's hastily reached for a biker jacket and some belts, which seemed enough, so Akane hadn't pushed.

Kasumi had been about to reach for a maid costume, simpler and plainer than Shampoo's, and here Akane had drawn the line. She was nicely gratified to find the others agreeing with her on this. They'd quite deliberately plucked the costume from Kasumi's hands and handed her a gown that looked like it had been ripped off Cate Blanchett from one of her many redundant Queen Elizabeth movies. It had seed pearls, embroidery, golden shiny things, a little feather fan and even a crown. It made her take up ten square feet of space when she walked, but no one begrudged it of Kasumi, though she blushed hard.

The fathers had been drafted in matched Musketeer outfits to serve as her retinue. It was either that or go as either Laurel and Hardy, or Homer Simpson and Ned Flanders. Kuno had, predictably, gone full samurai, though in Akane's mind no one would ever usurp Setsuna in that role, nor ever be as cute. Even Cologne had gotten into the act, though her choice left much to be desired. A wizened Chucky on a pogo stick was a terrifying thing. Nabiki, for some reason, had gone Darth Vader.

And Ranma…

"Explain to me again why I'm wearing this dress?" he groused, pulling up the pointy hat from his eyes.

"What's the matter? Don't like what the fashionable foul sorcerer is wearing this season?" Akane said, grinning at the sight of her fiancé in rather– tastefully– tattered red robes with gaudy sequins and rhinestones as the boys snickered and laughed, and even the two competition where tittering behind their hands. The hat, contrary to her statement, read WIZZARD.

"What have you been on?" he asked incredulously.

"Look at it this way," she said. "It's better than being some magical girl. Think about it… Magical Girl Martial Arts Pink Belt Ranma…"

The laughs got louder. Ranma fumed.

...

They stopped by Haruna at the caricatures booth. She'd been more than happy to sketch everyone, and even Cologne, she of the speed to exceed Ranma, had marveled at the speed the girl's hands had flown across the sheets of paper, drawing in seemingly seconds, though Akane knew it was a lot longer. The old woman had even asked her if the girl was a practitioner of some kind of Sketching Martial Arts. The thought both amused and slightly terrified Akane. Imagine, Haruna's drawings as part of a martial art. Given her creepy doujin, the idea made her want to rub her brain with bleach…

Still, at least she'd blasted the slightly half-baked idea, half-waking nightmare that Saotome Haruna was in any way related to the Saotomes she knew. She'd lain awake sometimes, imagining some kind of twisted world where she'd somehow gotten some kind of boy curse and thus, to untie the schools, had been made to marry Haruna…

She shuddered at the thought, prompting Kuno to ask if she was cold.

She'd had them drop by Chachamaru's Nodate for that day, prompting yet another costume change to more appropriate wear. She liked the robot girl, who thankfully wasn't a psycho like her predecessor. She kinda reminded Akane of a clueless puppy, although that certainly wasn't the most flattering thing to say about her. Still, it caught the aura of wide-eyed kindness and steadfastness about her just right. She'd heard about that thing with the dragon in the library.

It bought a happy little flutter to her heart to listen to Chachamaru and Kasumi talking, and checked a little box in her head that read 'introduce Chachamaru to Kasumi, ASAP'. It was like watching a rubber ball dropped diagonally between two boards a few inches apart, listening to the two of them talk, compliments bouncing back and forth. They'd eventually had to beg off after they taken about fifteen pages from Akane's pocket notebook– the kind with paper– to exchange recipes.

They had a short break at Chao Bao Zhi, and the Amazons had been quite impressed at the quality of the food. Cologne, Ukyo and Satsuki had talked about the difficulties of running a business, something that Nabiki hand Akane had joined in occasionally from their own particular experiences– with Nabiki giving her little sister sideways looks all around– while Shampoo, Ku, Satomi and surprisingly Mousse had exchanged stories about waiting tables and complained about evil bosses and unholy hours, while said evil bosses pretended not to hear.

They'd hit a couple of games on the way out, and ended with a small collection of fish that Akane volunteered to keep in her dorm. She debated dragging everyone over to the underground costume contest Chisame would be attending but decided against it. Chisame was more than capable of strangling Akane with the computer's power cord in the middle of the night for such an act.

And then… it was time for the tournament.

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: I did not intend this to have a deconstruction of Ayaka and the Kunos. Still, it's generally a good sign when the story goes places you yourself did not plan or expect. It means it's alive and thus probably won't die soon…

Too many Queen Elizabeth movies were made in too short a time. It was even worse than the Joan of Arc epidemic, some years before that…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	8. Elimination, & Something To Laugh About

A/N: I try not to let fanon affect my writing too much, hence my complete refusal to acknowledge to term Nerima Wrecking Crew and others. Hence a lot of elements people expect might be gone. I kindly ask you to either get over it or, if their loss is so unacceptable, find another fic to read. Still, I'm not completely immune to fanon influence, but I will tell you right now the only fanon that might have any effect on me are elements from Kenko's _**Girl Days**_ series. Check it out, it's great!

...

Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 8: Elimination, And Something To Laugh About

Disclaimer: The toys come from the boxes of Rumiko Takahashi and Ken Akamatsu. Also, I would like to state for that record that I'm a guy.

...

The train to the Tatsumiya shrine was strangely deserted as the Akan's tour group– she mentally snickered at the name– rode. Queen Kasumi the Great had to be helped onto a seat, but the boys who vacated it for her– who said chivalry was dead– seemed more than happy to for her smile.

"So," Rince-ma asked Akane Dresden. "How good do you think this tournament going to be? I mean, you're the one who's been living here, you should know. How good do you think the competition is?"

Akane tapped her lips thoughtfully, knowing quite well she was drawing attention to that area of her face. Uncute, was she? Well, she'd just been hanging around with a classroom full of girls who did the whole _scale_ of cute from one end to the other, and a lot of side to side as well. Moe-moe, tsun-tsun, dere-dere and others, her classmates did it all– even Evangeline, self-proclaimed mistress of evil darkness that she was, managed to be a mistress of her position on the scale– and Akane had been observing them all year. Cute? She could do cute every which way to make Ukyo weep for her position as the Cute Fiance!-!-!

Just because she was being logical didn't mean she wasn't going to be competitive against those two hussies. One part of her brain tried to edit out the statement into something more accurate, and was slapped down on grounds of tradition.

So she tapped her lips cutely as she considered the question. "Well, the martial artists in this school are enthusiastic, if nothing else. This manages to hold in place of discipline and drive, to a degree, but very few manage to make it to the level of skill you usually find back home. Over all, most are not in touch with their chi, and only some have some chi-assisted technique. A few of the more dedicated ones have a small chi-blast, but I think they achieved that by neglecting other aspects of their training."

Chucky-ogne gave a derisive snort. "Youngsters these days. I can find some respect for the ones who can't use chi because they have more enthusiasm than focus, but the other ones are just inexcusable."

"I blame Dragon Ball," Akane agreed.

Shampoo-maid and Dr. Mousse, with a degree in Horrible-ness, both winced, inching slightly away from Cologne as she began to mutter about the evils of TOEI executives ruining a perfectly good comedy series.

The Ryou pouted. He might have _thought_ it was a frown, or a scowl, or some other manly word, but this was Akane's narrative, and she was calling it a pout. "So no one there will be worth fighting? That'll be a waste of time." He looked up a Ranma. "Well, at least we're sure to fight each other."

"Don't be too sure," Akane said. "I said _most_ of them aren't in touch with their chi. But just like home, we have… enthusiasts. Setsuna-san is to swordplay what the Mythbusters are to awesome: an undisputed master at it. She has chi-techniques up the wall, and might even be faster than Ranma. Ku Fei doesn't have chi-blasts, but that's because she's more of a hands-on kind of girl. Her skills are the most extensive in the school, and what she lacks in special techniques she makes up for in practical chi-enhancement combined with adaptability and elegance. Kaede's a ninja who can do some kind of Kage Bunshin-like splitting technique, not just make illusory distractions. Just thinking of the chi-manipulation for something like that makes my brain hurt, so she's pretty high-level."

"And of course," she finished. "There's me."

Shampoo let out a laugh.

The words '_Sim Tua Pars_' dearly wanted to make their way out of Akane's lips to teach an object lesson in power levels and experience, but she restrained herself. Violence, as much as it galled the little gorilla inside her, wasn't always the answer. When it wasn't, the trick was rewriting the question so it was.

She quashed _that _part of her brain too. No point in provoking a fight. Then she kicked the part of her that was going "_throw stick at her to distract her, use Kasumi as a shield to move into a favorable flanking position, throw business card into eyes to provide momentary opening, rip out train handhold pole, shove serrated end into gut, tear intestines_" firmly shut. That was NOT PRODUCTIVE! "So glad to amuse," she said dryly instead.

...

When the train finally stopped at the Tatsumiya shrine, the crowd out front was huge, in some cases literally. Not surprisingly, it was Darth Nabiki who found out why before Akane had even begun to quarter the place for a Sherlock Scan.

"10,000,000 yen!" she cried as her eyes were instantly drawn to representations of large amounts of money, knees seeming to go week at the numbers. She rounded at Akane. "Why didn't you tell me about this!"

"I just found out too, you know," Akane said, staring at the numbers a little herself.

"Akane-san!"

Akane turned at the sound of the voice, lips splitting open in a smile as Negi, Kotaro and Yue– in a rather fetching milk-maid outfit– walked up to them. The detective strangled a match-maker-y smile. "Negi-kun! Here for the tournament too? "

"Yeah," Kotaro said. He looked around. "Who're these people, ane-san?"

"Just some people from back home," Akane said. She made quick introductions. The girls, predictably, began fawning over Negi, even Nabiki, to much rolling of eyes from Kotaro and an strangely cat-like flat look from Yue. Asuna, Setsuna and Konoka joined them soon afterwards, requiring another round of introductions. The other martial artists began giving Setsuna penetrating looks, Kuno especially, unnerving the girl. Akane considered that an improvement. Not so long ago, the girl would have glared right back.

Eventually, the gates opened. Akane subtly kept herself between Negi and her classmates and the others as they listened to the description of the Tournament and wondered exactly what Chao –-ing thought she was doing. Talking so publicly about unincanted spells? Really? Sure, it had provided Akane with some valuable confirmation on a couple of theories she had– thank goodness she hadn't let her situational awareness slip– but still! She heard the girl had already gotten in trouble the day before.

As the major part of Chao's exposition winded down, the assembled fighters began to murmur amongst themselves, talking about the rules and the prize. She begged off the discussion Negi and co were having, opting to keep an eye on the Nerima crew.

"So, she basically said this was no holds barred, right?" Ryouga pressed. "That's what she meant with all that 'show your power', right?"

"That seems to be the idea," Akane said. "Except for some restrictions. Look like you'll have to leave the sharp stuff behind, Ukyo, Mousse."

The two sighed reluctantly.

...

Soon, Akane, Ranma, Ryouga, Kuno, Mousse, Ukyo and Shampoo had all gotten their prelim tickets, and divided up to go to their battle royal grouping. The fathers, Kasumi and Cologne watched and mostly listened. It was hard keeping track of everyone, so they had to rely on listening to the MC's commentary.

"Looks like Group G's rankings are being decided early," the voice said over the PA. "The Samurai and the Wizzard are really cleaning up! Hot damn, just look at that sword go! And that guy in the robe! And… now they're fighting each other. Someone break up those two before they disqualify themselves!"

Cologne sighed as some volunteers got between Kuno and Ranma, or tried to, anyway. They didn't really stop, however, until _something_ flew between the two of them like some kind of warning shot..

"Oh, and it looks like a stray business card from Group H managed to interrupt that budding fight. Was it deliberate, perhaps, or pure chance? Well, it's always hard to tell with the famous Great Detective Akane, mistress of the Armor-Piercing Business Card Toss! She has a mean Armor Piercing Bitch-Slap too, as those poor boys have just found out! Ouch, that must have hurt!"

Soun stared at where his youngest daughter was cleaning up, seemingly almost literally. The stick she'd bought with her to the ring blurred, a highly accurate weapon tripping up opponents and cracking wrists and ankles like nobody's business. Nabiki wasn't an advanced expert or anything, but she'd seen what Akane had used to do to the hoard that had greeted her at school in the mornings back home, and this was a far, far cry from that. These were efficient taps compared to those power moves of old. Cologne felt her eyebrow making a run for her hairline as Akane swept her opponents aside, then proceeded to plant the staff on the stage and used it as a fulcrum as she began to practically walk on people's faces, to the rising sound of fan-girlish squealing.

"Oh, now she's just showing off. Still, it seems to be a hit with the fans, who probably regret her not wearing a skirt. AH! All right, no making comments about the girl who uses business cards as throwing weapons. Seriously Akane, can't you get them in paper instead of plastic like normal people?"

"Well, the last group seems to be winding down. The Happy Days Otaku and the St. Ursula high school girl seem to be in the clear. Huh. Well, I'd never thought dual wielding belts would work, but to each their own. And–whoa! Wh-what just ha-ha–well, anyway folks, it's over! However improbably, the infamous child teacher moves into the final rounds!"

The rings began to empty of people, some supporting each other. It took a while for them all to meet again, but Kasumi's dress, flashy as it was, was pretty hard to miss. When they came back, Akane was supporting Shampoo, who had a pretty indignant look on her face. Ryouga was doing the same for Mousse, while Ukyo limped along with a terminally surprised look on her face.

"Look, there's nothing to be ashamed of," Akane was telling Shampoo. "It was just a really lousy case of bad luck. Takahata-sensei is known for being able to deal with _really_ unruly students, and from what I've heard, he used to hang out in war-torn areas in Africa, or somewhere. The guy can handle himself pretty well."

Shampoo gave her an accusatory look. "Violent Girl plan this!" she accused.

"I wish. I'd have gotten video of the look on your face."

Cologne shook her head. "Shameful, Shampoo. To let yourself get so overconfident as to lose in the preliminaries of a tournament Akane managed to pass through? When we return home, I see I'll have to over-see your training more closely. Clearly you have been lax."

Shampoo paled, and Akane decided the Amazon was supporting her own weight well enough not to need her, and slipped out. Shampoo turned to glare at her, and the detective could almost imagine her screaming something like "Violent Girl! Because of Violent Girl, Shampoo see hell! Shampoo KILL!". Somehow, she didn't think a well thrown plastic business card would help right now.

Ukyo was growling about the cloaked man who had knocked her out with one punch. Mousse wouldn't say how _he'd_ been knocked out, except to mutter something about age-inappropriate underwear. Akane figured Evangeline had taken him down.

"Right then!" Asakura's voice echoed once again. "It's time to reveal the order in which the rounds shall be fought, as determined by the tournament committee! And here it is!"

A poster went up, listing the names:

**Sakura Mei **vs.** Murakami Kotaro**

**Hibiki Ryouga **vs.** Ku:nel Sanders**

**Nagase Kaede **vs.** Kuno Tatewaki**

**Tatsumiya Mana **vs.** Ku Fei**

**Springfield, Negi **vs.** Takahata Takamichi**

**Kagurazaka Asuna **vs.** Sakurazaki Setsuna**

**Tendo Akane **vs.** Goodman, Takane D.**

**McDowell, Evangeline A.K. **vs.** Saotome Ranma**

Akane heard Negi's exclamation, rising high above the murmurs of the others less loudly concerned about those they'd been paired up with. She'd noted her own name as well, spotted the blonde student who was trying to discreetly sneak off, and made a note to try and recall who she was. She'd been in Ryouga's prelim group, hadn't she? He'd have to ask him what he'd seen.

All this was on auto-pilot however, as her eyes and most of her conscious mind was firmly riveted to the last pair of names on the list. She twitched, looking between the board, Ranma, a quick look around for Evangeline– who'd also quickly disappeared– and back to the board. She couldn't help it.

She threw her head back and laughed, loudly, in an evil "Bwahahahaha" sort of rhythm. Evangeline would have been proud.

Asuna, Setsuna, Konoka, Yue and Negi all stared at Akane, sweatdropping. "Is she all right?" Asuna asked flinty-eyed as she pointed at Akane. The Narutaki twins had joined in, and now they were laughing in stereo.

Nabiki took off her helmet, grimacing. "We've been wondering that all day."

Asuna sighed, walked up to the girl and slapped her upside the head. "Hey, Detective Girl, snap out of it!"

"Ow! Darn it Asuna, that hurts!"

"It's supposed to, you were laughing like a maniac."

"Well, something was maniacally funny!"

Ukyo facepalmed. "Now why didn't _we_ think of that?"

"It takes Asuna-chan's unique brand of problem solving," Konoka said.

And so they went to the wrap party, where Akane, as promised, brought back Kuno with the gas tank full and the windows cleaned…

...

The party was just starting at Star Books Coffee when things began to get a bit weird.

"Hey, Akane," Ukyo said curiously. "Why are all your classmates calling that kid 'sensei'?"

"Because they're all shotacons with a teacher fetish," Akane said with a straight face. It _was_ technically correct.

Ukyo gave her a look. "Seriously Akane! Your sense of humor's gotten weird!"

Akane shrugged. "They're calling him sensei because he's our homeroom and English teacher."

Ukyo frowned, verging on a glare. "Akane, I'm serious!"

Akane sighed, then raised her voice. "3-A! Who's the greatest sensei of them all!"

"Negi-kun! Negi-kun!" the girls chanted back.

"Who's always there to lend a hand?"

"Negi-kun! Negi-kun!"

"Who's the most adorable English teacher in Mahora?"

"Negi-kun! Negi-kun!"

"Who do you love!"

"NEGI-KUN!-!-!-!"

Akane turned back to Ukyo, making a 'what can you do?' gesture.

Nabiki's brow furrowed. "Wait. You're telling us that the sensei you mention in your letters…"

"… the one you spar with…" Ryouga said slowly.

"… the one you said kissed and made up with a student…" Ranma continued the line of thought.

"… the one Violent Girl say having naughty-naught lolicon fun-fun with student…" Shampoo said.

"… whom you claim my cousin is enamored with…" Kuno added.

"… you're teacher is…" Soun said.

"THAT KID?-!-?-!-?" they all chorused, pointing at Negi.

"_Alleged_ naughty-naught lolicon fun-fun with student," Akane corrected them. "Honestly, it was all a big misunderstanding. Though to be fair, even I thought it was the case for a while." She neglected to add it was for the length of a hilarious mental image and a strange desire to pound on Evangeline for deliberately corrupting a minor rather than pound on Negi for being a pervert. It had been a very disquieting sensation. "And I told you, they didn't actually kiss, just had a little heart-to-heart talk."

They all looked at the boy, who was looking very embarrassed from all the attention. Kuno's cousin had his hands sandwiched between hers, and was giving him a look that those familiar with the Kuno siblings, Ranma in particular, had seen quite often, usually when there were flowers involved.

Kuno suddenly looked apoplectic, his hand gripping his bokken hard, and he looked like he was about to stroll over there to do something vaguely big-brother-y and definitely testosterone-y when Akane was suddenly in front of him, her stick ground into the floor, and the other pressed against his chest. "Oh, give over, Kuno-sempai! She's just sublimating her suppressed sisterly yearnings by pampering Negi with attention. There's no harm done."

"This is most improper!" Kuno said. "He's a child!"

"That's rich coming from you," Akane muttered, then realized that the 3A contingent was approaching, apparently eager.

"AKANE!" Yuuna, Misa, Sakurako and Madoka cried, and Akane had to stifle her instinctive 'Fight and BASH' reactions as the four girls tackled her, her stick clattering out of her hands and her hat going askew.

"You've been hanging out with these guys all day!" Yuuna said, grinning evilly at her as only a true 3A girl knew how. Akane blamed Evangeline's spiritual presence in class. "So fess up! Who are these hotties?"

The girls were staring at Ranma, Ryouga, Kuno, Mousse, and even– Akane twitched– in the case of Asuna, _her_ _dad_ like a pride of lions at a pile of meat. The other fiancés bristled at this infringement of their territory, such as it was, while Nabiki and Cologne had taken over a table off to the side to watch the inevitable show.

"Stop screaming in my ear Yuuna," Akane growled back playfully. She gave an expansive wave of a hand. "These are my friends from back home. That's Ryouga-kun, who's Jewish and doesn't like pork; Tatewaki-sempai, who's Ayaka's cousin, so you should know what to expect; Mousse, who there's not much to say about; and Ranma, who's spoken for. Oh, and those two girls are Ukyo and Shampoo, but I know you really don't care what I have to say about them, so why bother. The boy's are all single, if you want to try your luck."

"_OOOOOOooooooohhhhhhhh?-?-?_" the girls chorused. Misa grinned at Akane.

"What's this, Exposition Girl?" she said, that crazy cheerleader light in her eyes. "Have you been holding out on us? You actually have a secret boyfriend back home? Chisame-san will be crushed."

Akane rolled her eyes. "He's spoke for because he has a fiancé."

"A fiancé!" the girls chorused, staring at Ranma in shock and interest.

"Oh, that's so romantic!" Yuuna swooned.

"It's so hard to find anyone willing to commit to going steady, never mind getting _engaged_!" Madoka said. "Good for you, Ranma-san!"

Everyone from Nerima laughed. Ranma looked somewhere between affronted and nervous.

"What's a fiancé?" Fukka and Fumika asked.

"Negi-sensei, you're wisdom is requested!" Akane called to the little mage who was just approaching the bookstore with Kotaro– huh. Where had _they_ gone off to?– who blinked in confusion.

"Huh?" he said succinctly.

Akane smiled a little evilly as she gestured at the twins. "They want to know what a fiancé is."

Negi paled in purest terror.

...

Ayaka sighed. "Really Kodachi, I'm almost serious about getting Tatewaki that leash."

"Dear cousin, shut up and bail me out of here."

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: There it was **BLHarrison**, as I promised. Review, 'kay?

I'm not trying to hate-on Shampoo, but I do consider her character to be one who thinks Akane as a combat thereat is a laughable idea. I consider her and Ukyo to be about equal, with canon Akane maybe a grade or two below due to her various mental problems (in the hubris sense).

There ARE such things as plastic business cards. The things are hard and _REALLY _sharp. I use mine as screwdrivers sometimes, they're so tough.

...

**Preview of the Future!**

...

There was a crash of a body falling heavily against wood, followed by the near simultaneous impact of many mouths against the ground.

"Holy shit!" said Nabiki.

"Holy shit!" said Genma.

"Holy shit!" said Ryouga.

"Holy shit!" said Soun.

"Holy shit!" said Shampoo.

"Holy shit!" said Ukyo.

"Holy shi– er, OH MY!" said Kasumi, embarrassed.

"Divine Excrement!" said Kuno

"Holy shit!" said Kodachi.

"Creepy little girl with thong…!" Mousse whimpered.

Cologne merely whimpered.

Akane smirked, buffing her nails on the lapels of her shirt. "Feel free to send me the check any time, Nabiki, Kuno. Million-and-one to one odds, wasn't it? Pity I only had a hundred yen on me…"

...

**OMAKE: The Over-Redone Ethan Rayne Halloween Effect From That Very Special Episode!**

...

Somewhere in Mahora, some evil idiot was setting up a Chaos spell. He'd gotten the idea from one too many episodes of Buffy, and thought that it was just the _perfect_ episode to show off how XANDER was actually the _**real**_ hero of the show and not some stupid blonde girl named Buffy, who was clearly holding him back because she was an arrogant unstable bitch with power and entitlement issues who had no concept of friendship, trust or loyalty. With this spell, he would be able to turn into the all-powerful, babe-magnet, invincible Xander, and use his power to rule the world!

As the spell began to take effect, he screamed out in ecstasy. "By the Power of XANDER! I have the POW-ER!"

A flash of light explodes outward, flooding the university.

"I am…! A carpenter subcontractor! Wait, what? Ah! My eye!"

And thus began an object lesson of the differences between canon!Xander and fic!Xander…

...

Meanwhile, all around Mahora, the spell was also taking effect. Kodachi turned into a princess drama-queen with entitlement issues, textbook narcissism, a really annoying laugh, and a sudden expertise with hot-spring identification. Even with spell casting, no one really noticed the change.

Akane suddenly felt a strange urge to set a building on fire. She took off her hat, frowning at it. "Why," she said in a Chicago accent, "am I wearing a hat? Lash, what the hell is going on?"

Meanwhile, Nabiki was having an angst moment. "NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!" she cried, falling to her knees emo-tastically.

Kasumi was going on about 'French dogs' as Shampoo cringed in fear, while Genma and Soun looked like they were slowly climbing from 'wouldn't hit a lady' to 'willing to make an exception'. Ryouga was asking where 'The Ryou' could find some water-skis and a shark. Cologne had disappeared, and was last seen with a knife. Rince-ma had taken off his sock and was looking for a half-brick, eyes wide in terror and looking to run. Mousse was looking around critically and asking people who stole his iPhone, he needed to steal some Wonderflonium.

"Pirate!" Ukyo challenged some random dude with eyeliner. "Face me!"

Kuno looked at them strangely. "Why are you all acting so strange?"

...

Negi, still highly embarrassed at being made to wear kitsune drag, suddenly stiffened as the effect took hold. All around them, the class began to mutate, shapes changing into the beings they resembled, until…

Various succubi, catgirls, school girls, and a kitsune girl all looked at each other.

A blonde succubus of Morrigan Aensland proportions said it first. "3-A lesbian orgy!"

...

"Wah!" a little blonde girl with floor-length hair cried, clutching her little bunny doll. "Mommy! I'm lost!"

Chachazero looked down at herself, ignoring her mistress for now, though she knew she might be punished for it later. She raised her skirt, looked underneath. "Woah! I have a vagOOO! Cool! Now I can try out this sex stuff the mistress is always going on about…"

...

Chao looked down at Mahora from her blimp and sighed. "Crap. Now I have to use the World Tree power to _UNDO_ this mess. Damn my Springfield genes and its sense of responsibility. Ah, well, I suppose I'll just have to stay here…"

...

**END!**

...

I find fics where Xander is a bigger Sue than Andrew was in his 'Very Special Episode' to be infinitely annoying and hate-able. People who portray the characters of 'Firefly' and 'Dr. Horrible' believably have this strange tendency not to apply the same treatment to the Buffy-verse. While he _is_ the only young person in the cast with a working penOO, people tend to forget that it's something of a running gag in the series that any new girl with a vagOOO who falls for Xander at some point tries to eat/kill/sacrifice him. Let's not even get started on how people keep giving him the moral high ground no matter how much of an arrogant dick he's acting…

I think the reason _some_ people like this episode, besides the ready crossover fodder, is because it reverses Buffy and Xander's roles on the toughness and usefulness scale. Clearly, some people are either very sexist, or have been harangued by too many feminist arguments, which causes a similar effect in even the most easygoing non-biased people, though thankfully it's a temporary effect. The former isn't.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	9. Budokai Begins

...

Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 9: Budokai Begins!

Disclaimer: The toys come from the boxes of Rumiko Takahashi and Ken Akamatsu.

...

Akane woke up to the sound of water crashing. She could hear someone stirring close to her, and pervert-preemptive measures began to prod her to manic wakefulness. She groggily told herself that it didn't sound like a ermine or Happossai, so please shut up so she could get back to sleep?

This mental activity, however, was enough to make her aware of the sounds of people frolicking and splashing around, of the wind amongst the palm trees and stone pillars, of the heat of the false sun in the simulated sky. It was all quite detrimental to trying to go back to sleep, or even doze lightly. With a groan, Akane pushed herself up, her hat falling off her face. A breeze pebbled the skin exposed by her swimsuit, and she shivered in appreciation. She looked around, spotting the other cot. "Good morning, Negi-kun," she greeted the boy, who was also yawning and rousing himself.

"Oh, good morning, Akane-san," he said, stretching his limbs. Akane looked closely at him as he did so. No, she definitely couldn't see what all the fuss over him was about. Completely didn't do anything for her. Nope, not at all. Surprising, given how he could mess up even Setsuna's disciplined and Konoka-obsessed mind. Though she had to admit, at least intellectually, he was a pretty good kisser…

_The tornado whirled around them, and Akane's face burned crimson in embarrassment and indignation as she watched Negi-sensei and Setsuna-san kiss. Speaking of which…_

"_Do I detect a hint of jealousy, Asuna-chan?" Akane said, just to give herself something else to focus on. Damn it, that ermine was enjoying this!_

"_O-of course not!" Asuna snapped back, though her face got more read, if less flinty-eyed. _

"_Hmm…" Akane said. "So your heart didn't just go ba-bump just now?"_

_Asuna glared at her, but said nothing in denial. She'd long ago learned how good Akane was at this. "You're a witch, you know that?"_

"_Well, considering most people spell that with a 'b' when it comes to me, I'm not too insulted," Akane said. _

_They stared at each other. _

"_I think they're done," Akane said after a moment, going red again._

_Asuna turned to look. "Hey, enough with staring into each others eyes! You still need to do Akane-san, Negi!"_

"_Did you have to put it like that?" Akane growled. _

_Asuna grinned fiercely at her. "I'll take my victories where I can with you. Now, your turn!"_

_Akane glared at her, then gulped, turning to look at Negi-sensei, who was definitely looking nervous himself. Her feet felt like lead, but she pushed them on anyway, aware of the nearly uncountable legion of demons on the other side of the weakening barrier. Darn it, this was insane! Mahora was supposed to be far away from this sort of weirdness! It was supposed to be normal! So how had she found herself being caught in an internal mage uprising? _

"_Ready, Akane-san?" Negi said nervously, face red and heart obviously racing. _

No, no, NO, I'm not ready for this, this is sick, this is perverted, pervert, pervert, this is unreal, Negi no hentai…_ Akane quashed these thoughts, but try as she could, she couldn't silence the words completely. Still, they were currently being out-voted by her logic, self-preservation, and desperation. She nodded jerkily. "Ready, sensei," she barely managed not to squeak. _

_There was a moment before she realized she'd have to bend down. Her brain felt like it was grinding rocks as she moved jerkily. She closed her eyes and pushed herself forward, her nose briefly slamming into Negi's before she twisted her head slightly. _

_Their lips met…_

_Warmth suffused her._

Akane shook her head to clear it of the memory, though even now a blush rose to her face as she remembered the event. The feeling of squick had mostly faded, though it bubbled inside her if she thought of it too long. "Big day yesterday, huh," she said, which as conversation starters went wasn't much, but anything to help her stop thinking of the fact that Negi seemed to be an infinitely better kisser than anyone else she knew.

Damn, she thought of it again! Stop it!

Negi nodded in agreement as he got to his feet. Akane followed suit, pausing briefly to get her Pactio card and the small training wand Negi had given her from her coat's pockets. Losing those things once was enough. She slipped them around her forearm on a rubber band.

They stepped out into the light.

"Hey Akane, Negi!-kun!" Konoka called out. "Did you have a good rest?"

"We did," Akane answered back, laughing.

"Negi! You're awake!" Kotaro cried. "Man, this place is something else!"

"It sure is nice of Eva-chan to lend us her resort," Konoka said.

At the mention of the vampire, Akane began to snicker, before throwing back her head in an unholy 'Bwahahahaha' laugh.

"CUT THAT OUT!" Asuna cried. "It's creepy! Anyway, what's so fun you end up doing an Eva-chan impersonation?"

"The thought of Ranma fighting Evangeline tomorrow," Akane said, rearing back her snickers.

"You think it's funny Eva-chan's going to beat up your fiancé?" Asuna said slyly.

Akane's head snapped up, eyes wide open in shock, mouth dropping. Asuna had a smugly assured look on her face, the expression equivalent of "HA!". "How do you know about that?" Akane said a bit shrilly, not sounding at all like her usual calm, self-assured, knowledgeable self. Or at least, the calm, self-assured, knowledgeable self whose image she tried to maintain.

"Your dad told everyone," Asuna said, smiling brightly. "Seemed to think it was pretty important everyone knew to lay off his girl's _fi-an-cé_. He's kind a hot, by the way. "

"Hey! Keep you old-man fetishes away from my dad!" Akane said.

"I do NOT have an old-man fetish!"

Akane smirked, before the expression flowed off her face like sand in the rain. "Um, who in the class knows about this, exactly?"

"Haruna and Asakura made it to the party," Konoka said.

Akane face-palmed. "My fanatics-club is going to be _pissed_."

...

The sound of girls horsing around in the water and boys yelling loudly and showing off their energy blasts– such as it was– echoed as Akane completed her kata. It was one she'd learned from Ku. She'd always had an aversion to learning from anyone unless it was her idea or her ego was pandered to– in the privacy of her brain, she could admit _that_ at least– but she'd decided to learn this on the grounds that a) a bit more soul-searching spawned by her knee-jerk reaction not to learn pulled up the conclusion that not to was suicide, b) a bit more internal analysis revealed that she was getting very little benefit from continuing with only the katas she knew, and c) Negi looked so enthusiastic learning that he was infectious.

That last was _also_ something she could admit to in the privacy of her brain.

She would be the first to admit, it had _not_ been without benefits. And this time, she would _not_ be kidnapped in the middle of the night be amoeba-lolicons, darn it! It might not be as good as a lighter, but her _Ardescat_ could get really big when she was pissed, and she was still Tendo Akane! In Mahora, there was NO ONE better at getting pissed!

A word caught her ear, and she turned to Kotaro. "Shundo-jutsu? Did I hear that right? What's that? It sounds vaguely familiar…"

Kotaro grinned. "Check _this_ out, ane-san!" he said.

Akane could feel, vaguely, the chi that filled as he–

Disappeared.

She blinked, and there he was, a little farther down the beach, looking pleased with himself.

"Wow!" Negi said, astonished. "It's just like you teleported!"

"That's shundo-jutsu all right!" Kotaro said, demonstrating again and again. . "Range is three to seven meters, and I can leave after-images! Pretty handy for fighting a master…"

"Could you stop moving around like that!" Akane said, a bit testily. "It's very bad for my self-esteem." She sighed. "Just when I think I've gotten better, you pull this on me and make me re-evaluate my standards. What are you going to tell me next, that you can fly with chi?"

"Um…"

Akane glared at him. "Kotaro. Please don't tell me all this time you had a way to fly with chi and didn't bother to tell, say, me?"

"Um, okay, I won't."

Akane gave a strangled scream of frustration. "You have got to be kidding me! I've been spending all this time with Ku and Setsuna working on my chi and a little onmyodo shikigami, when I could have been obsessing on how to teleport and fly!"

"Uh…"

"SETSUNA!"

The swordswoman gave a long-suffering sigh. "Yes, Akane-san?"

"Did you know about this shundo and flying and stuff?"

"Um…"

"Et tu, Setsuna? Ack, where are my practice ofuda?-!-?-!-? I need to train, I need to train! Does anyone know what time it is outside? Maybe I can squeeze in another day…"

They watched as Akane ran back inside in a swirl of dust.

"That girl has very high standards," Setsuna said, sweatdropping nervously. "You'd think she'd be satisfied by being able to use chi consciously now, instead of only when she was agitated."

"'Pissed off', is what I'd say," Asuna said. "About time too. It was really creepy having Chamo steal panties as part of a battle strategy."

The three girls fidgeted about at that, even Konoka. After Akane _had_ included ermine-panty-theft into the plan to fight that Demon Count's followers, Setsuna and Ku both had been adamant she learn conscious control of her chi. Everyone but Chamo had been happier for it.

"You'd think being able to move like someone from the non-romantic kind of shonen manga would get her to calm down, but _no,_" Asuna in exasperation. "I mean, she can do that blades of doom trick with the hanky and tissues and her business cards and shoelaces and string, but no, she says that's not enough, even when you taught her how to fine-tune it they way the Shinmeiryu taught you. And then she tried that thing with the fire and the chestnuts–"

"Kept burning herself," Konoka sighed. "Until she remembered that thing with the gold-fish."

"What _was_ she trying to do there, anyway?" Asuna said.

"Beats me," Setsuna said. "Whatever it was, it looked like she decided she didn't have enough familiarity with chi to pull it off. That, or she ran out of fish. I think she's been trying to create some sort of blast, too. The thing is she doesn't seem to have a lot of reserves she can draw on."

"Is that why she's practicing onmyodo?" Konoka asked. "So she learns how to use it?"

"Oh, she knows how to use it," Setsuna said, then conscientiously added "Mostly. It's not using it all up that's the problem. She doesn't use paper business cards anymore because they kept going wrong and catching on fire when she threw them. Hence the plastic. It's not as… receptive, which means it can only absorb a little chi, just enough to be tough and sharp enough to act as weapons."

"What's she trying to do, become Goku?" Asuna said.

...

"MOKO TAKABISHA!" Akane cried, putting every last bit or arrogance, entitlement, and confidence she could into the technique.

She didn't even get so much as a chi-fart.

Akane gave a howl of frustration. Poise be damned, she flopped down on the ground and sulked. Useless! It was all useless! The training, the kung fu she was learning, the onmyodo, all of it completely useless! Her shikigami were practically brain dead, and the reception through them was terrible! Her independent shikigami acted like rabid monkeys with lice, her business cards were so expensive she lost 75 percent of her earnings on them, they kept cutting her fingers, everyone kept joking she and Chisame were an item, there was probably no way she could win the tournament, she'd never find true love–

"SHI SHI HOKODAN!"

This time she _almost_ got a fart. It turned out to have been her breath.

"DAMN IT!"

She was seriously tempted to throw a tantrum, a nice cathartic tantrum, but she held on to enough sense to know Evangeline would probably exsanguinate her if she seriously damaged anything. Sighing, she headed for her coat, and rummaged around a pocket. She pulled out a roughly triangular, roughly person-shaped piece of paper, and started to channel chi into it…

She managed to get it right about half an hour later. Not her best time, but since she'd deliberately worked herself into an unstable state of mind beforehand, it was pretty good.

The little swimsuit-wearing Chibi-Akane blinked at her. The teen detective-wannabe would say one thing for these things, shikigami were all darn cute. It saluted. "Reporting for duty, master!" it chirped.

Somewhere, Hello Kitty was plotting to kill it and take her place back.

"Chibi-chan," Akane said. She began to pace. "Please sit down and try to stay awake. I need a sounding board."

Chibi-Akane pouted. "Aw! But that's _bo_-_ring!_"

"Sit!"

"Eep!"

Akane nodded in satisfaction as her little chibi sat down on the edge of a table. Evangeline sure had a lot of furniture. For a moment, she wondered how she'd had it all moved here after she was imprisoned.

"All right," Akane said, beginning to pace. "I've proven that I have a enough chi to do _something_. Your very existence proves I have control to do things when I want to. Theoretically, I have all I needed to create so kind of chi-attack, no matter how half-assed. I haven't been able to. That means I there are two options: either I am doing this wrong, or there's something I'm missing. Both are equally likely. Comments?"

Chibi-Akane frowned thoughtfully. "Um… that's… good?"

"I'm fairly sure I'm not doing anything wrong, so for now, it's best for me to assume that I'm missing something. That… would suck. Argh! Crap, maybe I should ask Kotaro… but I'm not likely to make up anything in time for the tournament." She sighed heavily. "At best, I'm going in there with magic-boost siphoned from Negi and chi-enhancement, and every dirty trick I could make, reverse-engineer, steal or borrow, and my Artifact."

"And me!" Chibi-Akane declared.

"And you," Akane conceded, and tried not to be condescending. She held out a hand, to which the little shikigami floated up to enthusiastically. She withdrew her will, such as it was, and the construct collapsed back into paper. She looked at the little thing thoughtfully. "And you…"

Sighing, Akane looked around for her stick, thinking she'd get a little more impact practice on it. It still wasn't happening every time she tried it, but now she figured she knew what the problem was, she needed to perfect the mix and insertion…

...

On the morning of the tournament, Akane bought up the rear as their party entered the contestants' room. Her eyes were still slightly bleary from the quick nap she had before they left the resort, so she kept her hat low over her eyes. Her stick thumped against the wooden floor, her coat swishing on her pants. She was _definitely_ not wearing a skirt to this.

"Hey, Akane!"

She tilted her head to see under the brim, and spotted the three Nerima boys, all of whom of course looked confident and self-possessed. She raised her staff in greeting, then nodded to Negi and company to excuse herself.

Her feet thumped against the floorboards a bit heavily than usual. "No, I'm not going on a date with whichever of you wins this tournament," she snapped, words whipping at them. _A-and_ there went her new persona. How the heck were these guys keeping so relaxed? "How the heck are you guys so _relaxed_?"

"Much experience, Tendo Akane," Kuno declaimed, and it _was_ a declamation. "Often have I stood waiting for the battle to commence, so that I might soundly trounce my opponent in the field of battle!"

Akane glared his self-confidence, then looked at where Ryouga was twirling his umbrella in a distracted fashion. "My stick is bigger than your stick," she said sulkily, and was vaguely self-satisfied to hear the depleted uranium monstrosity crash to the ground. What madman thought it was a good idea to hold a tournament at eight in the morning?

"_**HE-LLO-O-O-O-O contestants!**_"

Speak of the devil…

...

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the crowds were happy, and they were all here to watch Ranma and Akane's friends play. Kasumi felt all was right with the world.

"My little girl in a tournament," Soun blubbered. "I'M SO PROUD!"

Everyone sighed, covering their ears again as Sound indulged in a fresh round of crying. Cologne and Shampoo murmured something about useless males.

Akane's classmate, Konoka, seemed rather amused by it. "Is he always so high-strung?" the girl asked sweetly.

"Yes," was everyone's long-suffering reply.

Kodachi glared at him. "Get a grip on yourself, man! Save your tears for when the little harridan is soundly trounced in defeat!"

"Aw, don't be like that," Konoka said. "Akane-chan's been training real hard! She does it every day with sensei and Ku. I've heard she's had to cut back on clients just to fit in the time. She could win."

"_Could_ win?" Nabiki pressed. "Not too confident about her chances either?"

"Of course I am!" Konoka began to press her fingers together. "It's just that Asuna-san and Set-chan and Negi-kun are here as well, and they're good too." She paused, tapping her finger to her lips in a gesture Akane had totally stolen from her. "Oh, I've been meaning to ask, does 'Moko Takabisha' and 'Shi Shi Hokodan' mean anything?"

Everyone looked at her, surprised. "Why do you ask, girl?" Cologne said.

"Akane-chan kept yelling it the last time she trained. She seemed upset about something."

Shampoo sniffed. "Violent Girl try do Moko Takabisha and Shi Shi Hokodan? Violent Girl delusional."

"We call her Exposition Girl in class," Konoka chided, not unkindly.

"Still delusional."

"Now, now," Kasumi said placatingly. "It looks like they're about to start."

The crowd cheered as the contestants walked out of the temple complex, the roar rising for some of them. An entire wall of fan-girlish squealing rose as Akane appeared, but she wasn't the only one. The young boy in the tan robe garnered a lot of enthusiasm as well.

"**Hello again, everyone, and thanks for your patience!**"

Two figures began to walk towards the Noh stage.

"**We're just about to begin the Mahora Budokai's very first match!**"

Yes, it looked to be a beautiful day…

...

Ranma, Ryouga, and Akane, for their own reasons, winced in sympathy as Sakura Mei was blasted into the air and into the water.

"Damn," Ranma said. "I hope that doesn't happen to me."

The side of Akane's lip twitched. "Not likely. I'm sure the water will be the _least_ of your problems." _Must not laugh, must not laugh, must not laugh…_

When the count finally wound down, Akane helped Kotaro get Mei out of the water, extending her stick over the railing to pull them up. Asuna and Setsuna assisted as well, while Takane limited herself to dirty looks at Ranma and Ryouga, who didn't go anywhere near the two wet ones.

As the blonde accompanied the two to the challenger ready rooms to get dried, Asakura announced, "**Well, we weren't expecting that quick resolution, but I suppose surprise is good for you. That said, let's see what surprises our next challengers have in store!**"

At this cue, both Ryouga and the cloaked and hooded I'm-so-obviously-a-mage-it's-not-even-funny person walked up to the stage, Ryouga eyeing the stranger out of the corner of his eye speculatively.

"**In one corner, the self-proclaimed traveling martial artist Hibiki Ryouga, with the very snazzy bandanna! In the other corner, the mysterious Ku:nel Sanders! Both very fashionable challengers, ladies and gentlemen, though the umbrella seems kinda weird. And– hey what's this? Huh. And once more, Great Detective Exposition Girl Akane lives up to her name! Says here that the umbrella is **_**very**_** heavily weighed, partially as a form of strength training, since the way an umbrella is held means you can't brace your arms to take the weight, and partially as an offensive weapon! Looks like the tournament committee is ok with letting this one through. Well boys, you ready?**"

"Ready!" Ryouga cried. The Ku:nel merely nodded.

"**Well then… Match no. 2… FIGHT!**"

Ryouga gave a cry as he charged forward, one hand holding his umbrella over his shoulder, stood down but ready to cleave as he lashed out with his left hand. To dampen the initial blow, Akane knew. His normal blows were at lethal force to normal people, so this was merely a test shot. Ku:nel dodged handily, and Ryouga followed through with his attack. Ku:nel dodged, putting right in the range of Ryouga's umbrella, and then–

Akane blinked, missed it, and stared. Finally, she turned to Ranma. "Is it just me, or did he just beat Ryouga unconscious with his own umbrella?"

"He just beat Ryouga unconscious with his own umbrella," Ranam said in the same tone.

"Ah. Then I wasn't seeing things."

...

Kaede, Akane could tell, was impressed by Kuno's lung capacity. The boy had been declaiming, with perfect diaphragm control, tone, breathing and intonation, for about ten of their match's fifteen minutes. While fighting. With a ninja. The boy would be a good public speaker if nothing else.

Meanwhile, the ninja had lost about two centimeters off her right heel, a few expendable locks near her left temple, and had torn the sleeve of her dinner jacket and her pant's left knee. Granted, he hadn't actually come close to hitting her with his bokken, but the ninja was apparently finding the air-pressure waves something of a challenge to circumvent.

Akane could see Setsuna watching the fight with interest as well, and it was more than strictly professional. The other girl sidled closer to Akane. "Do you happen to know what style he practices, Akane-san?" she said, keeping her voice just low enough not to be disruptive despite the roar of the crowd. "I mean, you know him, right?"

"No idea," Akane said, and it was said with some self-annoyance. Truthfully, no one really paid attention to what Kuno did. He was the local Lethal Joke Character, there for cosmic comic relief. "I think it's one he basically just made up himself, really."

Setsuna's already wide eyes grew wider at these words. They watched as Kaede attempted a scissoring kick maneuver than flowed into an evasion as Kuno tore three new cuts into her jacket. "He's not using chi for any of this," she said softly, almost to herself. "At least, no more above what usual for a human performing a strenuous physical activity, as far as I can judge. You sure he wasn't doused by chemicals that had been struck by lightning or something? "

"A terrifying thought," Akane said. They watched some more.

Ranma sniffed. "Man, is everyone here pathetically weak? I mean, if that ninja-chick can't even handle Kuno…"

"Since when have _you_ ever beaten Ryouga unconscious with his own umbrella?"

"Well, it's _Ryouga_!" He ignored the glares Setsuna, Asuna, Kotaro and Takane were directing his way.

"Let it go," Akane hissed at her classmates and cronies. "Remember, he's fighting _Eva-chan_. Let him have his moment."

The three considered this and grinned.

"Well, best to let the boy nurse his delusions," Asuna said graciously. Setsuna nodded solemnly in agreement, but there was definitely a Konoka-esque gleam in her eye as she did so. Kotaro snickered evilly.

As the time limit closed in, Akane's mind dialed itself back from studying the two's moves and trying to figure out– mostly in vain– Kaede's tricks or how Kuno did that air-pressure thing (there was a trick to it, he was sure, else, Setsuna wouldn't be so interested), observing the two in context besides just the battle. She blinked. Were they… _enjoying_ this? It took her a beat to realize Kuno wasn't talking any more, and, upon recollection, hadn't been for some time. He was grinning now, actually, and seemed to be paying more attention to his fight…

"Setsuna, Negi-sensei, Kotaro-kun, check my logic here, will you?" Akane said, frowning. The three aforementioned frowned at her, slightly puzzled. Akane _never_ asked anyone to check her logic. She prided herself in it. "Is it just me, or are those two… _flirting_ with each other?"

They watched as Kuno stabbed forward, narrowly missing Kaede's cheek as she parried the blow, her palm coming to rest on the back of his hand. There was a confused moment, and Kuno went flying into the wooden floor ass over teakettle, Kaede holding said hand in a complicated-looking grip. The two remained in that pose for just a beat long, Kuno twisted himself, one hand making an open handed slashing gesture that looked vaguely competent, and the fight was back on.

"Hm…" the three said. They turned to Akane.

"You're getting 'flirting' from this _how_ again?" Asuna said.

Akane gave an uncomfortable squirm. She did _not_ like not being able to explain herself– or as her classmates called it, Exposition– properly. It clashed with her Holmes-ian aura of mystique and logic. "I can't _quite_ put my finger on it, but it feels kinda like when Shampoo hits Ranma with her bike…"

They stared at her.

"Never mind, forget I said anything."

About fifteen seconds from time, Kaede finally managed to throw Kuno into the water. Akane wasn't quite sure it was only a coincidence that this meant his clothes plastered themselves in him like a second skin…

"AH! BRAIN BLEACH!" she, Kodachi, Ukyo and Nabiki cried.

And thus, the third match ended…

...

The fourth match between Ku Fei and Mana had barely begun when Asuna noticed Akane was shaking.

Setsuna sighed. "Oh, kami, not this again…" the swordswoman said in exasperated tones.

Ranma, grumpy Ryouga, and a strangely tranquil Kuno looked up. "What?" the pig-tailed boy asked.

Setsuna just raised a hand, and begun tucking back fingers in what was clearly a countdown. When she reached zero…

"I can't _be-lieve _this!" Akane said in a strangled hiss. The stone railing under her hand made a low, ominous sound. "I nearly drive myself nuts trying to reverse-engineer Ryouga's Iron Cloth Technique, practically from scratch, so I can put it on business cards–"

"You _what_?" Ranma and Ryouga chorus in surprise. Akane ignored them.

"– and it turns out Mana has a _PENNY MACHINE GUN TECHNIQUE?-!-?-!-?-!-?-!-?_" Akane held her face in her hands. "I'm never going to get any sleep," she almost sobbed.

Asuna and Setsuna sighed in exasperation. "You know," Setsuna said, sounding partly amused on top of everything else, "If you just stop obsessing about every martial arts technique you come across, you wouldn't be in this situation. At least you've stopped with that weird thing with the fish."

"Only because Chisame threatened to electrocute me for nearly getting her computers wet," Akane mumbled. "Apparently, those experiments that caused my business cards to catch fire was the second-to-last straw."

Ryouga, meanwhile wasn't letting go. "_MY_ Iron Cloth Technique?" he repeated.

"Get over it, P-chan," Akane muttered, glaring back at the fight.

Ryouga went scarlet with mortification and embarrassment, and fell silent.

Ranma grinned. "You're never going to forgive him for that, are you?"

"You realize that's also partially you fault for making promises, right?" she growled at him. _Must not mallet, must not mallet, must not mallet…_

He looked slightly chagrined at that, but say what you will about him, he had an armor-plated self-confidence. "_So,_ the Iron Cloth Technique…"

"Do it yourself, Ranma."

"Darn it."

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: There will be no Tatewaki/Setsuna. I'd just like to make that PERFECTLY clear. Though if I can swing it, I'll see about Tatewaki/Kaede. Or heck, even Tatewaki/Tsukuyomi. Or both. This IS Negima and Ranma ½ in the same world, after all…

They use this with Ranma all the time, him reverse-engineering other people's techniques just cause it makes him look cool and only because he's so awesome (and usually it's ON THE FLY, with no experimentation or testing before hand!). Well, two can play it that way…

Kotaro CAN fly with chi. He used it during the Martians versus Mages game. Those black swirly things at his ankles weren't flying spells (mage flying spells consists of a glowing circle), and looked the same as his inugami attacks.

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	10. The Dark Kni– er, Budokai Continues

A/N: I'm not exactly sure where this is Ranma-wise yet. It's at least after the Bakusai Tenketsu, Shi Shi Hokodan, and Hiryu Shoten Ha pop up. Ryu Kumon at the latest. Will give a more definite answer later. For now, don't assume they have anything more than what I explicitly mention.

...

Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 10: The Dark Kni– er, Budokai Continues.

Disclaimer: The toys come from the boxes of Rumiko Takahashi and Ken Akamatsu.

...

Takahata-sensei's battle aura, Akane thought half-dazed, was impressive.

The giant blast of death, more so.

"IS HE CRAZY?-!-?-!-?-!" Ranma cried, on his feet like everyone else. "He's going to kill that kid!"

"Negi-sensei's a Mag– Martial Artist," Akane said, barely managing to recover herself. For once, her mind wasn't focused on trying to pick apart how exactly she could recreate the Iai-ken or the Kankaho technique the older teacher was using to significantly augment his battle aura. "He and Takahata-sensei apparently have a long-standing agreement to fight and test their strength against ach other." She paused. "That said, you'll help me ambush Takahata-sensei in a dark alley if Negi-sensei gets seriously hurt, right?"

"Count on it," Ranma, said.

"I'm in," Ryouga volunteered.

"Justice must be served," Kuno said.

"Shampoo in!"

"You got it, honey!"

"HEY!" Asuna protested.

The four from Nerima stood quietly for a second. Then, "Akane, did you know they were back there?" Ranma said.

"No, I was kinda pre-occupied with my classmate's Penny Machine Gun and two members of the faculty beating the crap out of each other," Akane said, personally affronted by her oversight. She looked over her shoulder. "Any thoughts, Elder Cologne? Observations? Words of wisdom? Perhaps an anecdote about how Bruce Lee was once beaten by an infinitely superior Amazon technique you know similar to this?"

Cologne glared at her. "Are you mocking me, girl?"

"It's either that or completely realize I'm watching a ten year-old being beaten by a man more than twice his age, at least," Akane said. Face grim, she returned to watching the fight.

...

It had been a good day so far. This school festival was _much_ more interesting than the one they had in Furinkan, and she'd already made a note to come again the following, regardless of whether or not there was anyone to invite her or not. it was quite amusing, what young people got up to doing. 'Gay for Akane' indeed…

She had not held much expectation for this tournament, thinking it merely a venue for the children to have a proper fight and maybe see if Akane really had improved as much as her apparent arrogance and body language– which had become damnably difficult to read properly after she started obsessing about those stories of that English fellow–suggested. She'd been roughly surprised instead, starting with the preliminaries– to think that Shampoo had been eliminated from a tournament Akane had managed to enter! Inconceivable!– and continuing well into the next day.

The young boy of the first match she had dismissed as a fluke, though an interesting one to keep an eye on, but the second match had blown her preconceptions out of the water. It was quite possibly the first time she'd ever watched someone, most especially _Ryouga_, a boy whose training she had been involved with, be beaten unconscious with his own umbrella. Whoever the Ku:nel was, his strength must be monstrous to do that to someone who was already tough _before_ he'd been subjected to the Bakusai Tenketsu training.

She'd watched the third match with serious eyes, and had found herself quite impressed now that she was partially expecting it. The girl was obviously well-trained in the ninja fighting techniques, easily keeping up with that Kuno boy, who was something of an apocalyptic puzzle for Cologne. She dreaded the day he learned to properly utilize chi in his attacks. The girl had one, though both she and the Kuno boy would have finished it faster if they hadn't been so obviously been flirting, as Akane had noted. The girl's perception was a far cry from the rather dense girl Cologne had first met. Well, dense when it came to subtleties and uncomfortable truths, anyway.

She'd had to readjust her thinking again when the next match came. Akane's assessment of the girl Ku Fei had been surprisingly accurate, though she hadn't mentioned the dark-haired girl. Had she not known? Or had she deliberately kept it secret? Well, neither were fighting anymore, so it as hardly an immediate concern, but still…

She'd been _just _about to dial down her expectations when the match between the child and the older man n the suit was announced. After all, how interesting could it be (from a purely technical sense, since someone getting beat up was always hilarious)? She decided to be attentive anyway, just to see if the older man had anything interesting up his sleeve she could pretend was invented by Amazons. The little blonde girl was just a flicker out of the corner of her eye, and she had _long_ since removed that impulse from her body. Not every short, child-like, long-haired blonde was The Monster, after all.

Within the next five seconds, she wondered wistfully if this was what it would be like if she'd ever had a son– or a grandson, or a great-grand son– and decided to train him, in between making some quick mental rewrites of Shampoo's– and Mousse's, of course, though only because Shampoo needed someone to beat on– new training regiment. The boy had the spirit of an Amazon– and of course the good looks!– but unfortunately a little something fleshy extra. And his moves! Smooth, determined and efficient, and what appeared to be chi techniques, including the shundo-jutsu, that most sought after but hard to learn technique, though not like anything she'd seen. Akane said he was British. Well, those Occidentals could be pretty weird, eating hamburgers and drinking coffee and smoking opium all the time, maybe that had something to do with it. Still, he kind of reminded Cologne of her third husband, before she broke him, and sometimes afterwards too. He'd been the one to escape, hadn't he?

She almost missed the older man's– Takahata, was his name?– attack, and it was thanks to the commentator's helpful exposition that she realized what exactly he'd been doing. It was chillingly close to what the Kuno boy could do, with the added complexity of it being an Iai technique, and lacking the added speed and surface area Kuno's boken provided for making the air pressure blast while still retaining enough blunt force to be effective. Her mind boggled at the fact this was _also_ accomplished without the benefit of chi. Her mind reeled at the idea of what that technique would look like, properly augmented. It was difficult to conceive what such a technique was like.

And then he did that strange thing that raised his battle-aura to strange and eldritch levels she'd only once felt in the presence of The Monster, and suddenly she _could_ conceive what such a technique was like. It was being used right in front of her. At a child.

She mentally volunteered herself to the squad Akane was proposing.

And the Negi Charm snared another victim.

She had cheered as loudly as her age and dignity could allow when the child had refused to back down, getting up from what was essentially a direct hit from a monstrous fist, cheered, and wished she was several score younger so she'd have the looks to yell such obviously heart-felt cries at the boy the way the girls– Akane included, she saw, yelling herself hoarse, a fierce light in her eyes that had often made Cologne wish duty didn't make this girl an enemy to be beaten instead of a potential recruit– were, until he rose to his feet to fight again.

The boy had endured, even as it seemed such a hopeless Curb-Stomp battle. And then… and then he'd done the impossible, such that Cologne had doubted what her eyes saw for a moment. He'd blasted his way _through_ the ultimate blast of the older man's technique, and rendered such a mighty blow that the man had stayed down. When his victory had been declared, the cheers had been a glorious acknowledgement of the boy's power.

If Ranma never worked out– a possibility that she at least had to acknowledge existed– then perhaps she'd live long enough to see about bringing _this_ boy in…

Though she wondered about how that Takahata fellow had walked on water… didn't look like the way she did it…

Still. It was turning out to be a _very_ interesting day, on top of it being beautiful. She was even inclined to give Akane the benefit of the doubt and actually expect improvement from the girl.

Now if only her old fears about short people with long, golden hair would stop bothering her…

...

Ranma stared at the stage that was begin rebuilt, and felt slightly abandoned. Akane had gone with most of the other female contestants to take that kid– little man, he corrected himself. Young man? Well, whatever, the guy definitely deserved to be called something with 'man' in it after a showing like that– leaving him, that huffy girl in the blanket, Ryouga, Kuno, that Kotaro kid with the mean uppercut, and that ninja-girl dressed like a waiter at the contestants' seating. Speaking of which…

"What are the two of you still doing here?" he pointed Ryouga and Kuno. "I mean, the two of you go eliminated, right?"

"Hey, no one said we weren't allowed," Ryouga said, though he looked pretty annoyed, his head turning left and right looking for the one who had eliminated him so humiliatingly.

Ranma snorted. "Heh, whatever. At least you guys got kicked out early so I don't have to bother doing it myself."

Ryouga glared at him, one hand drifting towards his umbrella.

Kaede patted Ryouga on the shoulder. "Now, now. Can't you at least wait until after the tournament? You wouldn't want to ruin it for your friend Akane-chan, would you? And after all that work Negi-kun did to win his round…"

Ryouga softened, and he and Ranma shared an approving look.

"That kid's got guts," Ranma said approvingly. "It should be pretty interesting to fight him when he gets older."

"You might get a chance to," Kaede said. "He's on your side of the blocks."

Ranma blinked. "Hey, that's true! Man, this tournament's pretty easy for me! All I have to do is beat two girls and then I'm in the semifinals!"

The girl in the blanket glared at him. "Don't underestimate me! I know secrets of combat you couldn't possibly understand."

"Tough talk for a girl with a security blanket," Ranma shot back.

"It's a cloak!"

...

The reconstruction was finished. The next contestants walked out. And every male in the audience had a religious revelation, an epiphany.

There IS a god.

"I must make a note for Sasuke to hire some maids," Kuno said in a distracted voice as blopd flowed freely from his nose.

"Erk," Ryouga agreed.

"Good thing Akane's not around to see this," Ranma commented. "She'd probably be all disapproving about them wearing those things and than take it out on me."

"Yes, I probably would have."

Ranma stiffened as Akane walked out from behind him, giving him a mocking smile. Then she turned to the two contestants. "If I didn't know better, I'd say my other classmates had hand in this," she said conversationally. "A maid-fight is just the sort of silliness they'd cook up."

Akane watched the fight, marveling at skill the two were showing. It looked like she wasn't the only one who'd made rapid improvement. Asuna was leaps and bounds above and beyond what she could do in Kyoto. She kept one ear open, listening to her immediate surroundings, though she didn't quite know what to make of the side-bets and such going on between Evangeline and the cloaked guy. Though calling the guy a pervert came to mind. Still, considering the stuff Evan got up to wearing– or _not_ wearing, as the case may be– she wasn't really sure it was all that bad.

She snickered at Asuna's abrupt 'love-confession', and settled back to watch… and then her hackles rose, her whole body stiffening as she saw what came next.

Asuna and Setsuna were just about to charge at each other again when–

"_**ASUNA!**_" Akane's cry broke through their tension , and they turned to stare at the normally smugly composed girl. "_**YOU'VE BEEN HOLDING OUT ON ME, DARN IT!-!-! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS TECHNIQUE! DANR IT, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN SO MUCH TROU**_**–**" Akane was abruptly cut off as Kaede nonchalantly clamped a hand on her mouth, the other twisting one of Akane's arms behind her back. The ninja game a sunny smile and nodded her head in an 'as you were' gesture.

"**And it looks like Contestant Tendo needs to take a chill pill,**" Asakura said. "**Heh, looks like Contestant Kagurazaka will have some explaining to do…**"

Asuna and Setsuna exchanged slightly embarrassed looks, then moved back on to bashing each other's heads in, to the background accompaniment of Akane and sometimes Evangeline yelling…

...

Really, that blonde girl was creeping Cologne out…

...

Akane sat and sulked, a bitterly annoyed look on her face that discouraged, in the short term, anyone from trying to talk to her. She kept her face set as she watched Asuna and Setsuna intently, trying to catalogue moves and techniques while at the same time listening to Eva and that guy Ku:nel's conversation, such as it was.

She'd always known, intellectually, that Setsuna knew highly advanced techniques, so it wasn't much of a shock, but for Asuna to– ! She'd always used Asuna as a baseline to compare things with, had always classified Asuna as weaker than her in strength and technical knowledge. To have that surety destroyed like this… _How_ did Asuna know that technique, which from the sound of it was _really_ technical and complicated? How?-!-?-!-?-!

Akane felt herself twitching and made herself stop.

The fight ended. Akane forced herself to stand. She was gripping her stick hard, she realized. She turned to look at Takane. The mage gave confident smirk.

As Akane and Takane made their way to the stage, passing Setunsa and Asuna on the way back– she gave the girl an intent look that definitely promised she'd be pumping the bell-haired girl for that technique later on- Akane went over what she knew of Takane: she could summon those black-cloaked things, she was a mage, and she was sufficiently able to fight as to make it through the prelims. She was secretly having an affair with her Ministra Mei, was definitely _not_ on the dodge-ball team, marks on her wrist says she had a bondage-fetish– _pervert,_ said a small stubborn part of her mind that quickly got its ass kicked– she didn't use flying brooms often…

Akane sighed. She looked at the girl across from her– when had they gotten in position– and essayed a weak smile. "I don't suppose you'd be so helpful as to provide occasional breaks for me to catch my breath while you provide helpful exposition on your techniques?"

"Is this supposed to be your famous wit, Tendo Akane?" Takane said, raising one perfect golden eyebrow. Well, at least Akane hadn't started comparing the girls bust-size to Ranma's yet.

"No, just a completely justified question," Akane said, raising her stick in both hands like a staff. She moved her feet. Getting into position. "And I suppose it's too much to ask that you'll have a completely transparent attack pattern that I can easily take advantage of?"

Takane gave her a withering look. "What kind of a stupid question is that?"

"Had to ask, anyway," Akane said. She let out a breath and turned to Asakura. "Ready."

Takane nodded curtly. "Ready," she said.

Asakura threw up her hand. "**Begin!**"

As Takane through back her cloak dramatically, and Akane habitually began noting details– cut, throw angle, strength, direction, projected landing area– the magnitude of what she was doing finally hit her. She was fighting in a tournament, watched by hundreds of people, watched by her _family_ and all the martial artists from home, by her teacher and by her masters, her classmates and her fans. A single mistake could completely ruin the image she had so carefully and painstakingly built up during her stay in Mahora, destroy her reputation. It would be putting herself on the line in an unmerciful, public forum going against a _trained mage_ with nothing but the stick in her hands, a few onmyodo ofuda in her pockets, her business cards, her Artifact, her skills, a few half-assed and possibly faulty techniques, and her wits.

It occurred to her that maybe she should have started with something smaller and safer. Like exhibitionism.

And in a moment of clarity she realized this was _exactly_ what Negi-sensei must have felt.

And suddenly, it all fell into place. She had, if not a plan, than an acceptable tactical approach, to a clearly-lined campaign objective.

With a cry, she charged, stick whirling in her hands. A close observer would have seen just a little bit of similarity to Setsuna's movements in the previous fight. The purpose, however, was much different.

Over-whelming all-out attack.

This was just like Negi's fight. She didn't expect to win. Her family didn't really expect her to win. They were too used to her not winning anymore. So why not go all out? If Takane made the mistake of holding back long enough, she might actually have a chance.

The blonde was just recovering from having thrown her cloak– just dramatics? No set up?– when Akane was on her, staff swinging at Takane's left. Akane saw her lips moved as she incanted as silently as possible, felt her staff begin to deflect as the simple _Deflexio_ spell began to snap into place. Akane tried to push more chi into her staff, trying to overcome the resistance of the spell, but as happened so often the attempt failed, and her staff seemed to slide off, the end slipping between her and Takane. Recovering quickly, the detective readjusted her grip on the staff, bracing it with her right elbow and pushed the whole thing broadside toward Takane.

It caught the older girl in the torso, knocking her back, and Akane spun the staff again, pointing the butt at Takane, twisting her torso and awkwardly stabbed at the girl, the rather sloppy positioning never the less allowing her to bring her whole weight to bear on the staff. It struck the wooden deck hard, but Takane had already rolled away. Perhaps she wasn't untrained as Akane thought? Her movements had the air of things rarely practiced and almost never used. Definitely not like Negi-kun then. At least she wouldn't have to worry about getting in close. More closer than arm range, and a mage had trouble hitting you with anything without getting themselves in the blast as well.

She ignored Asakura's words as she kept up the attack, not letting the girl get any space or room to so much as _breath_, much less let loose a spell. Takane had managed to roll herself such that her feet were under her, but she was still low, crouched. Akane moved to take full advantage of the fact, flipping her staff through her hands until they gripped it at one end like a sword– _thank you_, Setsuna-san for _that_ particular bit of coaching as well– darting to one side so she could sweep the staff sideways for maximum power.

Two things caught her eye.

One, Takane's arms seemed now suddenly covered by a thin but inconceivably dark layer of stocking, seemingly wrapped around her arms like a gothic accessory, yet had no apparent folds.

Two… she was smiling.

Akane had enough to time think _**CRAP!**_ and flashback to all the times this had happened to Ranma– already preemptively wincing about how much this was likely to hurt– when her staff struck Takane's upraised left arm and stopped _dead_, the shockwave rushing up Akane's arms and shoulders. Before she could loosen her grip, Takane had pulled her forward, right fist already moving upwards in a text-book upper cut as her feet kicked off.

Akane felt herself double over, rising as the magically-boosted fist struck her square. Yes, it hurt exactly as badly as she thought it would.

The thought was a small and petty comfort as her midriff exploded into a flower of pain…

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: I stand by my assertion that Ku Fei uses Chi even as early as volume 6, though only for strength-boosting purposes. Else how could she have bitch-slapped all those demons? On the scale of things, Mana's probably closer to Badass Normal than Ku. All we know for sure she has is that demon-sensing eye. The rest is pure bad-assery.

The exposition for Takamichi's Iaiken neglected to mention if it used chi or not. to add to his bad-assery, I've decided his small-scale version, in fact, does not. Kuno Tatewaki has, upon consideration, been upgraded to 'Frickin' Scary Badass Normal'. Consider: he doesn't use chi for those air-pressure blades he uses. Not. A. Drop. Imagine what he could do if he DID. I am. I'm intrigued by the challenge of such character development…

The _**ONLY**_ person in the Akamatsu-verse the Negi-charm doesn't work on is Amagasaki Chigusa. The _**only**_one. Everyone else vaguely inclined to swing that way– vampires, robots, future descendants (even if only in vibes), Twilight Imperial Princesses, Oujo-sama of various types, bodyguards, mercenaries, assassins, martial artists, girls in general, artificial creatures, Cosmo Entelechia, and even _**TSUKUYOMI HERSELF!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!**_Chigusa is the _**only**_ exception. Every other female, and some who aren't, if they even vaguely like dudes and have met Negi in person, falls for the charm. It's an Epic-Level Spell-like Ability: **Ultimate Charming Person!** Cologne doesn't have a chance.

I love TvTropes. It makes labeling people's positions in the grand scale of plot so much easier.

Cologne _can't_ know everything. Even if she traveled a lot, that meant she was missing ALL the developments in all the other parts of the world she wasn't in. Plus when could she possibly have trained if she had? I figured she stayed mainly in the area of South East Asia, perhaps training or maybe even mercenary work, with occasional sojourns to India and maybe the nearest-reaches of what is now Russia. She once went to Australia, but only because she was drunk and woke up on a boat. Her most extensive contact with westerners would be their colonies (until TV came around, which adds it's own weirdness), which paints a _really_ bad view (those scenes in Pirates of the Caribbean 3, showing how murderous the East India Trading Company was? Like that, but worse). Never mind what history books says, I live around here and I know what folk-memory, which is pretty reliable about atrocities, remembers. Point is, I'm trying to make ALL of the characters on the Ranma side more than what nearly two decades of fanfics have stereotyped them as. It might be doing it a little myself unconsciously, but at least I'm trying. So send suggestions, ok?

And now, a deleted scene from my Nanoha/Green Lantern/Magical-girl-kitchen-sink crossover _**Takamichi Nanoha of 2814**_ that's tangentially related to this story…

...

**Deleted Scenes: Contracting Out For A Hero**

...

Takamichi Nanoha, Green Lantern, needed to find someone. This 'Fate' girl was proving to be frustratingly unlocatable by her ring, and it was a fortunate twist of fate– heh, pun!– that she'd spotted this add just when she'd been pondering this question.

She dialed the number and waited.

"Moshi moshi. This is the Tendo Dojo, Kasumi speaking" a young woman's voice said.

"Ah, this is Green Lantern. I'd like to talk to," Nanoha checked the ad again, "the Great Detective Tendo Akane. Is she in?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, you just missed her. She left for England yesterday on a class trip. Would you like to leave a message, Green Lantern-sama?"

Nanoha sighed. Well, there went that idea. "No, thank you. Thank you for your time. Good bye."

Putting down the phone, she picked it up again and tried another number. "Hello, is this Mori Kogoro's office? This is Green Lantern…"

...

**END!**

...

Had to use all my willpower to keep from putting this in the main fic and making it cannon. I have hereby depleted all my Green and am very deeply in the Orange end of the spectrum. I want a hamburger. And reviews. And a hundred hamburgers! And a thousand reviews! I want it! I WANT IT ALL! _**MINE!**_

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


	11. Akane vs Takane!

A/N: According to Akamatsu, Takane is actually top-class at defense (she also has two female Magistra!), and the reason she keeps losing is bad match-ups (robots with stripper-beams, Negi). Here, there are no stripper beams. She's wearing her school uniform, BTW, not the shadow-only thing. Which, to those that keep suggesting it, she kept intact until she fell unconscious, so merely pissing her off won't make it disappear. In DnD terms, it's duration is 'as long as she's conscious, barring counter-spelling and such'. Probably took the Divine Metamagic feat or something. Arcane Metamagic?

Sorry for neglecting this, but my Nanoha kick just wouldn't stop! On that thought, check out my Green Lantern Nanoha and Blue Lantern (Card Captor) Sakura fics?

TvTropes, dattebayo!

...

Akanema! Magistra Akane Magi!

by Shadow Crystal Mage

Chapter 11: Akane vs. Takane! Really similar names, no?

Disclaimer: The toys come from the boxes of Rumiko Takahashi and Ken Akamatsu.

...

Akane had enough to time think _**CRAP!**_ and flashback to all the times this had happened to Ranma– already preemptively wincing about how much this was likely to hurt– when her staff struck Takane's upraised left arm and stopped _dead_, the shockwave rushing up Akane's arms and shoulders. Before she could loosen her grip, Takane had pulled her forward, right fist already moving upwards in a text-book upper cut as her feet kicked off.

Akane felt herself double over, rising as the magically-boosted fist struck her square. Yes, it hurt exactly as badly as she thought it would.

The thought was a small and petty comfort as her midriff exploded into a flower of pain.

"**And a solid blow from challenger Goodman sends Tendo-san flying!**" Asakura commented, wincing slightly in sympathy. "**Tendo-san is stumbling back, but Goodman-san doesn't seem to be follwing through just yet.**"

Shampoo sniffed in derision. "Thought so," she said. "Violent Girl still weak, all talk."

Konoka, who'd also winced at the surprisingly sudden attack, gave the Amazon a sideways look. "Akane-chan wouldn't give up because of a little hit like that," she said. "Akane-chan isn't the kind to give up easily."

"Not say Violent Girl not stubborn," Shampoo said. "Just weak."

Akane kept her distance from the blonde mage, slightly hunched over and clutching at her stomach. In truth, it didn't really hurt all that much. She'd taken some of Chachamaur's blows in practice, and even though the gynoid always held back, they always hurt more than this. At least she had some sort of baseline to gauge the blonde now, even if she _had_ held back too. Her self-control was such that it couldn't be all that much. In some ways, the girl was a lot like Negi-sensei in her fighting style, ready to charge in close, reinforcing herself with magic, quite unlike her partner Mei, who seemed more the Squishy-Wizard type.

She'd fought Negi-sensei. They'd sparred during training with Fei and Kaede. She knew what kind of holes his style of fighting had, the kind of things a mage fighting in close are inclined to do or not do. Her mind slipped into now-familiar patterns of observation, analysis, and deduction. Negi's movements, while never telegraphed anymore, had their little tell-tales, allowing her to predict at least his opening move. Takan'es body language was too smug, ready but relaxed, gloating. It kind of reminded Akane of Evangeline when the vampire was in between beating the snot out of Negi. The difference was, Evangeline at rest was still locked, loaded, and ready to kick your so hard it ends up near your nose. Goodman, while clearly ready to react to an attack and probably had some appropriate spells ready, was still relatively open.

And from the look of it, she was a talker.

"Well, you're certainly fast and enthusiastic, Tendo-san," Goodman said, managing to smirk. Her clothes were changing, Akane could see. Her white stockings were black now, and she was wearing high—heeled black boots with a mild case of buckle overkill. It looked too dark to be real leather, and the sheen vaguely reminded Akane of Kotaro's inugami summon attacks. A shadow user, perhaps? Some kind of armor then. This was new. She had a vague idea what a shadow-user could do in offense from Kotaro's inugami summons, but what would it be like in defense? Probably not something she could easily batter down. If it was something easy, it wouldn't be in it's own special subset. "Still, you can hardly hope to do much against someone of my training. While you are no doubt an excellent 'detective'– " our amongst the stands, there was a rush of high-pitched girlish squeals of affirmation. Akane straightened, smiled and blew them all a kiss. The squeals reached a crescendo. Takane rolled her eyes. "– Ahem. While you are no doubt an excellent 'detective'–" there was another wave of squeals, and the blonde ground her teeth in impatience until it died down again. "– I know you familiar with Negi-sensei's… circumstances. You've seen what he can do. I've been at Mahora for far longer, trained more. How could you possibly hope to win against me?"

Akane pointed at her. "That," she said, "was _so _cliché. Definitely not as good as Narm."

Takane grimaced. "Yes, I hated it the moment it came out of my mouth too. But I still have a point!"

Akane's free-hand blurred, a flat white streak spinning through the air at Takane. The blonde made a circular, sweeping gesture with one straight arm, a black, cloth-like square billowing from the back of her hand like a belly-dancer's accessory. The 'cloth' abruptly stiffened in front of her face, implacable as a mountain, and Akane's projectile stuck it square on, bouncing off and fluttering to the ground. The small, vaguely triangular cutout just lay there, mocking and pathetic at the same time.

"Was that the best you can do?" Takane said. Her outfit was completely changed now, with a corset and belt and buckles and all sort of fetish fuel that made Akane twitch slightly and want to cry pervert even as a little part of her mind nonchalantly wondered how _she'd_ look in the outfit, to the incredulity of the more traditionalist parts.

"No, that was supposed to be a witty retort that at the same time forced you to reveal your capabilities without endangering myself," Akane said. "_This_ is what I can do!"

The ground under her feet exploded into a foot-sized crater of woodchips and splinters as Akane pushed off, Newton's laws and chi grudgingly making a small truce as she launched herself forward on chi-enhanced legs. Her attempts at shundo might end up with humorous crashes– she tried not to think of how she and Negi had been equally skilled in the technique until before his fight with Takamichi– and putting chi into stuff other than her cards to reinforce them didn't always work, but she knew where she stood with pumping chi into her legs to make them crazy strong. And since at some point strength equaled speed…

Takane belatedly started moving her legs, arms rising in some kind of block, but she was starting cold, and Akane's extended overacting of how much she'd been hurt had apparently lulled the mage quite badly, making her unprepared for Akane's quick reactions. Akane charged, her staff swinging in an obvious overhead strike. Takane began to guard high, but Akane flipped, tossing the staff over Takane and tucking herself in, rolling under the mage's guard and literally bowling her off her feet. Whatever her weird shadow clothes did, they apparently did nothing to alter her mass or center of gravity.

Takane fell with a surprised cry, beginning to catch herself and roll, but Akane's reactions were quicker, and both feet slammed straight into Takane's face as the detective kipped herself to her feet. She landed perfectly, catching her staff, and she let chi flow into the length of ash wood. It was easier now then when she'd first tried it some time ago while training under the world tree, before they'd found out about Evangeline's resort. Either she'd gotten used to it, or perhaps it had gotten used to her: she had no idea. All she knew was that she couldn't reinforce it as effortlessly as Setsuna could anything she touched.

That didn't mean she _couldn't_.

She spun the staff to give it momentum, attacking in another wide arc. Takane had fallen after the double-kick to the face, one hand clutching at a bleeding nose– her right one– as her other tried to ward off the staff, the scarf-like attachment on the back of her warding hand, coming to life and shielding against the staff, stopping it cold, then wrapping around it.

"Hah!" Takane cried as she tightened her 'grip' on the staff, tried to pull it away from Akane to disarm her.

Akane smiled widely and spun, putting chi into her arms, boosting her strength to levels she'd once only dreamed about, or used some sort of contrived gimmick to achieve. Takane abruptly screamed as she was suddenly catapulted high into the air in a low, long arc, ending in a big splash that made Mei and the Juusenkyo-cursed people wince. "Hah!" Akane cried back, her hands open and empty of the staff she'd had to throw to send Takane into the water.

"**Wow, that moat is seeing a lot of use!**" Asakura commented as Akane posed dramatically to the wild cheers of her fans. Hat, coat flapping in all drama, you know the deal. Pity her staff was now floating next to Takane in the water. The blonde thrashed about, trying to get her hair out of her eyes. "**We will now begin the count! 1! 2! 3!–**"

"**NOCTURNA NIGREDINIS!**"

Akane's head snapped to Takane at the Latin cry. She knew Latin. She'd slowly been building up a vocabulary of Latin words, if only to keep up with the spells people were learning and flinging about. Those words… they boded ill for her.

She turned to Asakura. "Hey, doesn't that count as incanting?" she said. "That's against the rules, right?"

"Sorry," Asakura said sheepishly, shrugging. "It's just the name of whatever she did rather than the full incantation, so it just counts as calling out her attack."

"Crap," Akane said as a shadow fell over her. She leapt, rolling perfectly to dodge the several double handful of dark spear-like ribbon things that stabbed at her.

"Tendo Akane, prepare to die!" Takane raged from where she was standing on top of a large, dark, hooded shape that looked vaguely feminine for some reason.

"That sounds so strange coming from somewhere outside my head," Akane murmured as she turned to face the dripping wet high school girl. "Need a comb?"

"That was a cheap, dirty, underhanded trick!" Takane cried as she slipped off the giant shadow-form's back, landing with a wet squelch on the ground in front of it.

"I'm a practitioner of Musabetsu Kakuto Ryu," Akane shot back. "Cheap, dirty, underhanded tricks are what we do!"

"**And contestant Goodman has somehow managed to bring out some kind of gigantic… puppet… thing,**" Asakura said. "**Where exactly was she keeping that? It's not breaking any rules, unless those ribbon things really **_**are**_** bladed–**" Takane began to whistle innocently "**– but really, where'd that come from?**"

Akane dodged again as more ribbons struck. A shadow covered her, and she instinctively pushed off as a gigantic fist slammed into the wooden floor where she'd been. Splinters bounced off her coat, and she snagged a rather big piece of of wood as it flew by, pumping chi randomly and haphazardly into. She landed on her feet in the split-second of recovery as Takane pulled her construct's weapons out, feeling the wood suddenly getting hot and crackling in her hand. She threw it at Takane, and one of the ribbons rose to swat it out of the air.

The wood, already messed up by the chi improperly injected into it, reacted violently at the added kinetic energy, the wood tearing apart in a cloud of dust before suddenly exploding in a cloud of blinding flame, the heat crashing like a wave on onlooker's faces and disappearing like a lit cobweb. Takane reacted instinctively, raising her hand to shield her face, the puppet copying the motion.

Akane 'hmm'ed.

When Takane put her hand, it was to briefly see Akane's grinning face before receiving a face full of sawdust.

Her reaction was also instinctive. As she cried in surprise and raised her hands to slam them into her face to try and relive the pain the only way nature knew how, Akane, taking a moment to gauge relative distances, grabbed the girl by her legs and, keeping her straight, pushed her up.

Takane barely managed to register surprise before she was clobbered in the face by her own construct's giant fists.

"**Wow,**" Asakura said as the mage was rendered unconscious by her own technique, the puppet and shadow-clothes dissolving away back other school uniform as she fell to the ground. "**When Tendo-san says she deals in cheap, dirt, underhanded tricks, she's not messing around, is she? It looks like Goodman-san is completely knocked out, so this match goes to Tendo-san! Whoa, listen to that crowd! Are they… Are they chanting the Final Fantasy victory theme?**"

Akane, taking the cue, did a victory pose. What else could she do?

...

"Good job Akane-chan!" Konoka congratulated as Akane came from the stage, which was quickly being rebuilt by the construction club. "We knew you could do it!"

"That," Asuna agreed, grinning widely at Akane, "was evil."

Akane shrugged, grinning back. "Well, with so many bad influences in my life, it had to rub off eventually."

Konoka, Asuna and Setsuna looked over their shoulder at Evangeline, who was looking a bit pensive and thoughtful.

Akane chuckled. "This might surprise you, but not even _remotely_ what I meant."

Asuna stared at her incredulously. "There's someone even _more_ evil?"

"Why do you think the 'Chamo steals panties' plan even came into being?" Akane said. "I've been through worse."

They shuddered at the thought, even Konoka.

"Wow Akane-san, that was amazing!" Negi cried as he ran up to them. He held up Akane's staff, still dripping wet from floating in the water. "Here, I got it back for you!"

"Thanks, sensei," she said, ruffling his hair and impulsively giving him a kiss on the forehead. "That was really sweet of you."

"AH! Violent Girl cradle robbing now?"

Akane resisted the urge to draw back like she'd been burned, keeping her movements smooth and natural. She was an actress too, after all. She was many things. Currently, she was someone who'd just one against a mage. She would _not_ get mad over this. Such a loss of control was unbecoming of a detective, and besides, emotional reactions clouded one's reasoning and compromised one's logic. Besides, she was above these petty little feuds! She'd fought evil mages, demons and amoeba lolis! She need not rise to such baiting. She was more confident than that, more secure, more–

Kaede's fist closed like iron on Akane's wrist. "I don't think that's a very good idea," the ninja said pleasantly. One of her eyes was open and staring at Akane intently.

Akane blinked. Her right arm was drawn back, ready to throw her staff like a spear. Chi filled it, a crimson, burning chi, and it was slightly warm in her hands. It was aimed right at Shampoo's forehead. She hadn't even realized she'd moved. The Amazon was just drawing back from where she'd been leaning on the railing, wide-eyed, and Asuna and Setsuna were both holding on to the staff, while Negi had both arms around her torso and looked like he was bracing himself to push her back.

Slowly, deliberately, Akane let go of the wood, which Asuna quickly plucked from her hand, taking a few steps back, while the others sighed in relief.

"Oh, how wonderful, a group hug!" Kasumi commented. The tension shattered like so much glass, and the 3A girls all deflated Akane and Asuna breaking out into nervous laughter, while Kaede's laugh sounded more genuine, though Akane didn't believe it for a minute.

"Yes, Kasumi-chan," Akane said, voice suddenly tired. "A group hug. Just my friends congratulating me on winning my round."

The Nerima people were staring at them, confused, though Shampoo's face was settling and quickly making a turn into anger. Had this been back home… well, someone would already be in pain. In fact, the Amazon looked like she wanted to bring things to their traditional conclusion– that is, a mindless orgy of censored violence.

Cologne jabbed an elbow at her descendant's torso, and the girl jerked in surprise, staring at the elder. "A most interesting match, Tendo Akane," Cologne said. "You've certainly changed your tactics since I've last seen you fight. Quite revolutionary of you, taking the initiative and not allowing your opponent to dictate the battle by simply reacting to their new techniques." Her dry gaze took in every martial artist from Nerima. "It was… well done."

Akane tried not to blush at the compliment. Really, she didn't. Really.

Because what did she care about other people's opinions? All that mattered was that she won, and that she knew it, and that she was the best. Since when did what other people think matter?

Her father nodded solemnly, arms crossed. "I wish your mother were alive to see this," he said. "She would have been proud."

Akane's face flushed, and she whipped her hat off her head to hide her face. She didn't want people to see the tears.

...

"All right!-!-!" Ranam cried as the construction club finished its work. "It's time for my match! Now you guys will really see something!"

"What, you're going to make a presentation of beating a little girl to a pulp?" Asuna said innocently.

Ranma's face fell slightly. "Oh yeah… well, in my match after that, prepare to be amazed!"

"You're going to beat Akane to a pulp?" Setsuna said, just as innocent.

Ranma's face fell even further. "Oh yeah, she won, so we're matched up, aren't we?"

"Ranma! How dare you beat Akane to a pulp!" Ryouga cried.

"Vile enemy of all women!" Tatewaki agreed. "Face heaven's fury!"

Kaede helpfully held the two back as they ranted at Ranma.

"Beat her well, Ranma-sama!" Kodachi cheered.

"Hit face hard!" Shampoo suggested. "Violent Girl can't get uglier anyway!"

"Well, definitely _after_ that…!" Ranma tried again, rallying.

"You'll beat either me or Negi-sensei to a pulp?" Setsuna suggested innocently.

Ranam stared at the match-ups, then a the little boy who was currently lending Akane a handkerchief and sighed loudly. "Damn it, CAN'T A GUY GET A DECENT FIGHT AROUND HERE?"

...

"**Moving on to match no. 8! It's the Master of ****Musabetsu Kakutō Ryū– huh? Oh sorry, my mistake– **_**practitioner**_** and heir apparent to ****Musabetsu Kakutō Ryū, Saotome Ranma, versus Evangelin A.K. McDowell, of the Mahora Jr. High Go Club! Say what you will, folks, but challenger McDowell's some kinda ten-year-old **_**doll**_**! But what's her combat like?**"

Off-stage, Mousse began to whimper. Cologne, finally managing to catch a clear glimpse of Evangeline, froze and fell off her staff, to the complete surprise of those around her. Akane, who'd moved up to where her family was to get a better view, blinked down at the matriarch with the rest of them.

"Great-grandmother?" Shampoo said. "Is well?"

Cologne twitched, eyes wide in unearthly terror. _The Monster is here, the Monster is here, the Monster is here, the Monster is here…_ her mind kept repeating, locked on childhood memories of blood and ice and thousands of soulless puppets…

Ranma stood on the stage, relaxed but ready. He wasn't about to me suckered by the girl's appearance. He'd learned that lesson from Hinako-sensei, at least, though truth be told, the fact he was surrounded by water on all sides was a bit bigger cause of concern. The girl looked pretty distracted to him, definitely out of it, as if she had something on her mind. Foolish. Didn't she know that was a quick way to get your ass handed to you in a match?

He'd have to go easy on her. After all, she was just a little girl, he didn't want to hurt her too badly. She might have some kind of weird aikido moves or something to get through the prelims, but there was no way she had the strength or power for more, and given the format of those matches, she might have had help. Well, there was no one to help her now. Just him and her. He kinda felt sorry for her. She was just a speed-bump to him, really. He dearly wanted to get this over with so he could fight the other participants. Those girls…! And that KID…!-!-!-!-! Heck, even _Akane_ had turned out to be a surprise. She'd added some Kung Fu to her moves. He felt his eagerness rising, and longed for this joke of a match to be over. It would be interesting to see what else Akane had learned…

"**And now, the eighth match… FIGHT!**"

Ranam opened his mouth to offer the girl a chance to surrender… then his eyes crossed, and he made a strangled gurgling sound.

Evangeline blinked, and looked down at the boy passed out on her fist. "Oh, sorry. I was lost in thought…"

There was a crash of a body falling heavily against wood, followed by the near simultaneous impact of many mouths against the ground.

"Holy shit!" said Nabiki.

"Holy shit!" said Genma.

"Holy shit!" said Ryouga.

"Holy shit!" said Soun.

"Holy shit!" said Shampoo.

"Holy shit!" said Ukyo.

"Holy shi– er, OH MY!" said Kasumi, embarrassed.

"Divine Excrement!" said Kuno

"Holy shit!" said Kodachi.

"Creepy little girl with thong…!" Mousse whimpered.

Cologne just rolled into a tighter fetal ball.

Akane laughed her head off, her whole body getting into it as she bent over, clutching her stomach, in more pain now than it had ever had during the fight with Takane. "Oh, kami…!" she breathed. "That was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Bwahahahahahaha!"

Setsuna looked up at her, blinking. "Um, Akane-san, you _do_ realize your next opponent is Evangeline-san, right?"

Akane froze. Then, with absolutely no change to her expression, she curled up into a fetal ball and started shaking right beside Cologne…

...

Negi stared at Akane's reaction, frowning. "Now, really, she's not that ba–"

A memory of his own training with Evangeline crossed his mind. Soon, there was yet another fetal ball on the floor…

...

A universe away, Green Lantern Takamachi Nanoha felt a chill, and wondered why she felt an urge to curl into a fetal ball, shaking in terror. She only ever did that when…

The thought of Evangeline entered her mind.

She spent the next few minutes doing just that….

...

**- To be continued...**

...

A/N: Fetal position. Because Evangeline is _**JUST THAT SCARY!-!-!-!-!**_

I had some vague thoughts about making the fight between Takane and Akane some epic battle, with distractions, Shikigami, epic attacks and junk, but really, does that sound like them? Miss Stripper and Ranma ½'s joke character? Somehow, I can't seem to get into it. If you want Adaptational Badasses, check out my 2814 series of fics. Evil!Tomoyo is one of the most fun things I've ever written…

Much better to save it for (*GRINS!*) the Evangeline/Akane fight! After all, Ranma and Akane's fights are next to each other and Ranma's is the last one. I'm surprised none of you noticed…

Please review, C&C welcome.

Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.


End file.
